BOOK OF ETIQUETTE

BY LILLIAN EICHLER

VOLUME II

ILLUSTRATED


COPYRIGHT, 1921



CONTENTS

PART III


I.  SERVANTS

The Servant in the Household
A Word to the Mistress
A Word to the Servant
How to Address Servants
The Child and the Servant
The Invisible Barrier
When the Servant Speaks
The Servants of a Big House
The Butler
Correct Dress for the Butler
The Second Man
The Chauffeur
Duties of the Chauffeur
The Valet
The Page
The Maid-Servants
Lady's Maid
The Nurse-Maid
Duties of House-Maid
In Conclusion.


II.  DINNERS

About the American Hostess
Planning the Formal Dinner
Arranging the Table
Starting at the Center
Some Important Details
Table Etiquette
Table Service
Use of the Napkin
The Spoon at the Dinner Table
The Fork and Knife
Finger Foods
Table Accidents
The Hostess
When the Guests Arrive
The Successful Hostess
The Guest
Comments on Food
Second Helpings
The Menu
Special Entertainment
When to Leave
Taking Leave
Inviting a Stop-Gap
Simple Dinners
Inviting Congenial Guests
When There are no Servants
Hotel Dinners
Dress for Dinner


III.  LUNCHEONS

Purpose of the Luncheon
Informal Luncheons
About the Table
The Formal Luncheon
The Table for the Formal Luncheon
Hostess and Guest
Formal and Informal Breakfasts
Dress for Luncheons and Breakfasts


IV.  TEAS AND OTHER ENTERTAINMENTS

Evolution of the Afternoon Tea
The Simpler Tea
The Formal Tea
The Tea Table
Dress at Tea Time
The Garden Party
Receiving the Guests
On the Lawn
Dress for Garden Parties and Lawn Festivals
Woman's Garden Costume
The Man at the Garden Party
House Parties
Sending the Invitation
When the Guests Arrive
Entertaining at the House Party
Hostess and Guests at the House Party
"Tipping" the Servants


V.  WHEN THE BACHELOR ENTERTAINS

When the Bachelor is Host
Welcoming the Guests
The Bachelor's Dinner
Tea at a Bachelor Apartment
The Bachelor Dance
Theater Parties
Yachting Parties


VI.  MUSICALES AND PRIVATE THEATRICALS

Preparations for the Musicale
The Afternoon Musicale
The Evening Musicale
Card Parties at the Musicale
Duties of Guests at Musicales
Dress at the Musicale
Arranging Private Theatricals
The Players
The Guests
Host and Hostess


VII.  DANCING

Dancing as a Healthful Art
Dance-Giving No Longer a Luxury
The Debut Dance
Costume Balls
Subscription Dances
The Ballroom
Music at the Dance
Dance Programs
Dinner Dances
Dressing Rooms
The Dance
When the Lady is Asked to Dance
"Cutting In"
Dancing Positions
When the Guest Does Not Dance
Public Dances
A Plea for Dancing
The Charm of Dress in Dancing
At the Afternoon Dance
Gentlemen at the Dance
Dress for the Ball
Dress of the Debutante
Wraps at the Ball
Ball Dress for Men
For the Simple Country Dance


VIII.  GAMES AND SPORTS

Why the World Plays
Fair Play
Indoor Games
Chess
Bridge
Billiards and Croquet
Outdoor Games
Lawn Tennis
Golf
Some Important Rules about Golf
Football
Automobile Etiquette
Automobile Parties
Riding
Bathing
Sports
Clothes in General



PART IV


I.  SPEECH

Conversation
The Charm of Correct Speech
Courtesy in Conversation
The Voice
Ease in Speech
Local Phrases and Mannerisms
Importance of Vocabulary
Interrupting the Speech of Others
Tact in Conversation
Some Important Information
What to Talk About


II.  DRESS

The First Impression
Men's Dress
Women's Dress
The Story of Dress
The Dawn of Fashion
The Fashions of To-day
Harmony in Dress
Importance of Color
The Charm of Personality
Gaudiness versus Good Taste
"Extravagance the Greatest Vulgarity"
Inappropriateness in Clothes
The Eccentric Dresser
Comfort in Clothes
If One is Not Average
Tall and Short People
The Well-Dressed Woman
Not a Slave to Fashion
The Well-Dressed Man
The Charm of Old Age
The Elderly Woman
Imitation and Over-Dressing
The Older Gentleman
A Trip to the South
For the Gentleman


III.  THE BUSINESS WOMAN

Woman in the Business World
Self-Confidence
The Slattern
Following the Fashions
Gaudy Attraction
The Business Suit
The Business Dress and Coat
An Appeal to Business Women


IV.  ON THE STREET

The True Etiquette
Poise in Public
The Charm of Courtesy
Ladies and Gentlemen
When to Bow in Public
Walking in Public
Stopping for a Chat
When Accidents Happen
Accepting Courtesies from Strangers
Raising the Hat
How to Raise the Hat
In the Street Car
Entering the Car
In the Taxicab
Some Social Errors


V.  AT THE THEATER AND THE OPERA

Dress at the Theater and Opera
Entering the Theater
Arriving Late
About Wraps
Order of Precedence
Before the Play
When the Curtain is Drawn
During the Performance
The Offending Hat
Applause
During Intermission
Leaving the Theater


VI.  HOTEL ETIQUETTE

At the Hotel
The Woman Guest
Receiving Masculine Guests
Making Friends at the Hotel
How to Register
In the Public Dining-Room
Hotel Stationery
Regarding the Servants
Leaving the Hotel


VII.  TRAVEL ETIQUETTE

The Restless Urge of Travel
The Customs of Countries
The Traveler's Wardrobe
In the Train
In the Sleeping Car
Train Courtesy
The Woman Traveler
The Woman who Travels with an Escort
In the Dining-Car
Children on the Train
In the Taxicab
Bon Voyage Gifts
On Board the Ship
Courtesy of the Ship
The Woman Crossing the Ocean
A Concert at Sea
At the Journey's End
At Hotel and Restaurant
At Tea-Room and Roof-Garden
To Those Who Love to Travel


VIII.  TIPPING

An Un-American Custom
Lavish Tipping
In Dining-Room or Dining-Car
At the Hotel
The Taxi-Driver
On the Train
Crossing the Ocean
Tips in Foreign Countries


IX.  ETIQUETTE ABROAD

The American in Foreign Countries
On English Soil
Addressing Royalty
Other English Titles
-And Still Other Titles
Addressing Clergy Abroad
Lawyers, Statesmen and Officials-How to Address Them
At the Court of England
What to Wear to Court
The King's Levees
In France
Addressing Titled People in France
Certain French Conventions
Dinner Etiquette
French Wedding Etiquette
Balls
About Calls and Cards
Correspondence
The American in Germany
The Perfect American Tourist


APPENDIX Foreign Words in Frequent Social Usage


LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS

READY FOR TEA  Frontspiece Page
TABLE SET FOR DINER
THE PUNCH TABLE
THE BUFFET LUNCH




PART III

Repose and cheerfulness are the badge of the gentleman--repose in energy.
The Greek battle pieces are calm; the heroes, in whatever violent actions
engaged, retain a serene aspect; as we say of Niagara, that it falls
without speed.  A cheerful, intelligent face is the end of culture, and
success enough.  For it indicates the purpose of nature and wisdom
attained.  --Emerson



 CHAPTER I

 SERVANTS

 THE SERVANT IN THE HOUSEHOLD

"A mouse can look at a king, but a king won't often look at a mouse" says
the old proverb.  Which is, sadly enough, the state of affairs between
servants and mistresses in many households.

A great many people feel somehow that those who labor in the capacity of
servants are inferior.  But in most cases, it is those who place servants
on a lower plane who are themselves inferior.  We owe those who take a
part in the household affairs of our homes, more than the wages we pay
them.  We owe them gratitude, courtesy, kindness.  Many elaborate dinners
would be failures if it were not for the silent members of our
households. Many formal entertainments would be impossible without their
help. They hold a certain place of importance in the home and it should
be recognized in the social world as a place worthy of every courtesy and
respect.

For those who are fortunate enough to have servants to help with domestic
tasks, it is extremely important that the correct etiquette of servants
be thoroughly known and understood.  And those who serve as butlers and
maids and valets must also know the little rules of good conduct that
govern their duties and responsibilities.  The information contained in
the following paragraphs is meant for both the servant and the mistress,
and we hope that both will find it valuable.


 A WORD TO THE MISTRESS

In the home where guests are frequently entertained and where the hostess
holds many formal social functions, servants are essential.

Every family that can afford to do so, should have one, or two, or more
servants according to social requirements and the appointments of the
house.  They should be well instructed in their duties and they should be
expected to carry them out faultlessly.  Untidy, noisy, ill-trained
servants reflect upon the manners and conduct of the mistress herself.

The most common method of engaging a servant is through an agency.  Here
different types of men and women can be found, and the mistress of the
household may be fortunate enough to find one suited to her requirements.
Sometimes she secures a maid or butler by the recommendation of some
other housekeeper.  This method is usually more satisfactory than any
other because it puts things on a rather friendly basis from the start.

But whether the maid or butler be engaged by recommendation or through an
agency, it is important that it be clearly understood from the beginning
just what his or her duties will be.  And the mistress should not engage
a servant unless she feels sure that be will be able to fill the position
satisfactorily, for it is both an expensive and provoking process to
change servants frequently.

The first few days in a new home are always difficult for the servant.
The mistress should be patient and considerate and do all she can to make
the newcomer feel at ease in her new surroundings.  Her directions should
be requests, not commands, and she should overlook blunders for they may
be the result of the servant's unfamiliarity with the household and its
customs.

After the servant has been in the household three weeks or a month, the
mistress has every right to expect him to carry out his duties correctly.
But we are all human, and we all make mistakes.  When a servant blunders
through carelessness a reprimand may be necessary, but to scold in loud,
angry tones is most ill-mannered.  The well-bred woman will never forget
that there is as much demand for courtesy and kindliness in her relations
with her servants as in any other relation in which she is placed.  There
is absolutely no reason why "please" and "thank you" should be omitted
when we speak to the people who live in our homes and labor for our
comfort and happiness.


 A WORD TO THE SERVANT

Among real Americans, with their democratic views, there can be no
objection to the word "servant." It is a noun, a name, to denote people
in a certain occupation; just as "brokers" and "salesmen" and
"housewives" denote certain people in other occupations.  Therefore the
servants who read these sentences, and the women who have servants in
their households, should interpret the word in the spirit it is written,
that of true American courtesy and respect.

Domestic service requires a certain character lacking in most other
professions.  As a servant, you care for the things of others and it
should be done with as much attention and regard as if they were your
own.  You attend to your duties day after day, persisting in work which
may sometimes become monotonous and which would be easy enough to shirk,
but which you do for the comfort and pleasure of your mistress.  You find
yourself in the position of keeping other people's property attractive,
putting other people's visitors at ease and being economical with other
people's money.  And we repeat again that it requires a certain high
stamp of character that is not found in most professions.

Tidiness is very important in both men and women servants.  The maid who
serves at the dinner table must wear a. fresh new blouse and a crisp
apron.  Soiled finger-nails or unclean hands are inexcusable.  The
well-trained servant presents always an immaculate, well-groomed
appearance.

It hardly seems necessary to mention that the servant must be
scrupulously honest.  Perhaps, in their capacity in the home, they are
exposed to unusual temptations, but that is just the reason why they
should refrain from dishonesty of any kind, even the slightest lie.
Gossip about the family life of the people they are serving should also
be avoided by servants.

The servant should remember that whether she be maid or mistress, she can
be _cultured_.  The well-bred, well-trained maid is never sullen or
perverse.  Nor is her manner servile or haughty.  She is respectful to
her employers, but she does not cringe.  She does her duties carefully,
conscientiously and thoroughly, and she carries out the commands of her
mistress without question.  If, however, a maid thinks that a certain
task could be done much more quickly and satisfactorily in another way,
she may suggest it to her mistress and request her permission to do it in
that way.  If she is reprimanded for a mistake, she should not become
rude or angry, but remain calm and answer quietly.  It will not be long
before her mistress, if she is the right sort of mistress, recognizes her
superior qualities, her good manners and conscientious work, and will
respond by treating her in like manner.

Undue familiarity from the maid is not to be countenanced.  But many
times a certain understanding friendliness develops between a "faithful
maid and a kind and courteous mistress."  a friendship in which rigid
class distinctions are not sufficient to form a barrier.

Let those of us who are servants remember that it is only in helping
others that true happiness is found, and that the world is quick to
recognize and reward true, loyal, sincere service.


 HOW TO ADDRESS SERVANTS

Household servants are usually addressed by their first names. It is
indeed bad form to address a servant by some abbreviated nickname, such
as Lizzy for Elizabeth or Maggie for Margaret. The full first name should
be used.  A pleasant "Good morning, Margaret," starts the day right, both
for the mistress and the maid.  In England the surname is preferred but
they do not have to contend with all the foreign importations in the way
of names that we have here in America.  It is certainly better to call
John Soennichsen John, than to use his surname.

A butler or chauffeur is usually addressed by his surname unless he is a
man who has served the family for many years.

The golden rule of "Thank you" is just as golden when it applies to our
servants.  It is only the extremely discourteous man or woman who will
address servants in a peremptory, rude tone.  And it is especially
ill-bred and unkind to be overbearing to servants in the presence of
guests, or to scold one servant in the presence of another.


 THE CHILD AND THE SERVANT

Insolence to servants on the part of children is as much a reflection on
the manners of the parents, as it is upon the breeding of the children.
The child that hears the servants addressed in rude, haughty manner will
quite naturally adopt the same manner towards them.  And no one, child or
adult, can be considered well-bred unless he or she is courteous and kind
to everyone, especially to those whose social position is inferior.

In the park, recently, a little tot of six years or thereabouts had a bag
of peanuts which she offered to two little playmates and also to their
mother who was sitting near by.  Seeing that she did not offer her
governess some peanuts, the woman inquired, "Why don't you offer Miss
Taylor some?" To which the youngster immediately replied, "Oh, she's only
my governess."

This is the result of wrong principle in the home.  No child is born a
snob.  No child is born haughty and arrogant.  It is the home environment
and the precedent of the parents that makes such vain, unkind little
children as the one mentioned above.  It is actually unfair to the young
children in the home to set the wrong example by being discourteous to
the servants.  They will only have to fight, later, to conquer the petty
snobbishness that stands between them and their entrance into good
society.


 THE INVISIBLE BARRIER

In the sixteenth century French women servants were arrested and placed
in prison for wearing clothes similar to those worn by their "superiors"
It developed that they had made the garments themselves, copying them
from the original models, sometimes sitting up all night to finish the
garment.  But the court ruled that it made no difference whether they had
made them themselves or not; they had worn clothes like their
mistresses', and they must be punished! We very much wiser people of the
twentieth century smile when we read of these ridiculous edicts of a
long-ago court, but we placidly continue to condemn the shop-girl and the
working-girl if she dares to imitate Parisienne importations.

It is very often the same in the household.  We ridicule the "class
systems" of other countries, yet we deliberately build up a barrier
between ourselves and those who work for us.  Perhaps there must be some
such barrier to keep the social equilibrium; but is there any reason why
it should be unkind and discourteous?

The mistress should not, of course, confide in her servants, gossip with
them, discuss her affairs with them, enter their quarrels and take sides
with them.  But she can be cheerful, polite, considerate; and invariably
she will find that this kind of treatment will bring an immediate
response even from the most sullen servant,


 WHEN THE SERVANT SPEAKS

In answering the mistress or master of the household, it is customary for
the servant to say, "Yes, madam," or, "Yes, Sir." Old servants, who have
been for many years in the employ of the same people, may omit the
"madam" and use the name, in this manner--"Yes, Mrs.  Brown." Such
slovenly expressions as "No'm" or "Yessir" show lack of good training on
the part of the servant, and poor judgment on the part of the mistress.

Brevity and civility are the two most important virtues of the speech of
the man or maid servant who answers inquiries at the door, admits guests
and takes messages.  In the latter case, when a servant takes a message
for one of the members of the household, a polite "Thank you, madam" is
essential.  If there is a doubt as to whether or not the hostess is at
home, the well-trained servant admits the visitor, asks her to have a
seat, and says, "I will inquire."  He returns to say either that Madam
is not at home, or that she will be down directly.  When announcing
guests, the butler should ask, "What name, please?" not in the
indifferent, sing-song manner so characteristic of butlers, but in a
cordial, polite tone of voice, and with a genial smile.  Having been
given the names of the visitors, he announces them in clear, distinct
tones.  These announcements are made while the guests are entering the
drawing room.  A mother and two daughters are announced as:  "Mrs.
Smith, the Misses Smith." If the given names of the young ladies are
called, the form of announcement is: "Mrs.  Smith, Miss Smith, Miss Alice
Smith," the eldest daughter of a family being given the privilege to use
the title "Miss Smith."  In announcing a gentleman and his son, the
butler says: "Mr.  Blank, Mr.  Francis Blank."


 THE SERVANTS OF A BIG HOUSE

The small household must choose servants according to convenience and
requirements.  Where there are three or four grown-up daughters and the
home is a small one, one maid and one butler are sufficient.  But in a
very large house with numerous rooms, where many social functions are
held and many house parties are given by the hostess a full corps of
servants is required.  Each one should have certain, definite tasks to
perform every day.  In the luxurious American home, seven servants are
usually employed.  They are a butler, a chauffeur, a parlor maid, a cook,
a laundress, a nurse-maid and a chambermaid.  A lady's maid and a valet
are sometimes added. A footman, laundry-maid and scullery-maid are also
added, sometimes, to the corps of servants.  But this list may be
increased or diminished according to the requirements of the individual
family.  For instance, a second-man may be placed underthe direction of
the butler; a gardener and his assistants may be charged with the care of
the environs; while grooms may be employed to care for the horses in the
stables.  But usually these additional servants are the luxuries of the
extremely wealthy and should hot be indulged in by those who cannot
afford them.  In the home where there are several men servants and
several women servants, it is the best plan for the wife to supervise the
duties and responsibilities of the women, leaving the men to be directed
by her husband.  It is important, though, for the mistress of the house
not to give counter commands to servants who are under her husband's
supervision, for this may cause a friction that is not conducive to the
best service on the part of the help.


 THE BUTLER

The duties of the butler confine him to the drawing-room and dining-room.
The dining-room, however, is his particular domain; he sees that
everything is in order, that the table is laid correctly, the lighting
effect satisfactory, the flowers arranged, and in short that the room and
appointments are in perfect readiness for a punctual meal.  In this work
a parlor maid assists him by sweeping and dusting, and a pantry-maid
helps him by keeping everything immaculate and in readiness in the
pantry.  The butler serves at breakfast, luncheon and dinner.

 Where there is a second-man, he may assist the butler with the serving
at dinner; and at large entertainments the maid who assists in the pantry
may also be requested to serve.  The butler also is in charge of the
afternoon-tea duties, in homes where this custom prevails.  He brings in
the tray, arranges it for the hostess and sees that everyone is served.
Where there are only a few servants, the butler may be expected to help
with the dishes, polish the silver and assist in the pantry.  But if
there are maid servants, and a second-man to do the heavier work, then he
is expected to serve in a small measure as the valet for the master of
the house.  He lays out his evening clothes, brushes and presses the
garments worn in the morning, and draws his bath.  Sometimes, when his
domestic duties are very light, the butler is requested to serve as
footman to the mistress when she goes riding in the afternoon.  An
important duty of the butler is to answer the door bell whenever it
rings. He must see that the front door and the hall is in order and
well-swept, and that the drawing-room door is locked every night after
the family has retired.  A great deal of the comfort and pleasure of the
family depends upon the manner in which the butler attends to his duties.


 CORRECT DRESS FOR THE BUTLER

Neatness of attire is extremely important.  The butler should be
clean-shaven, and he should not fail to be fresh-shaven every day.  His
hair should not be closely cropped, but cut loosely, and it should be
well-brushed at all times.  Well-kept nails are, of course, very
important not only for the butler but for anyone who serves at the table
or has anything to do with the food.  As nearly as possible, the butler's
costume should parallel the following description, but each passing
season finds some minor detail slightly changed, and each new season
finds a slight variation from the costume of the season before.  So the
best thing to do is to find out definitely from a reliable clothier or
from the men's furnishing department of a large department store, just
what the butler's costume of the present time consists of.  Ordinarily,
the butler wears white linen in the morning, with black or dark gray
trousers, a black waistcoast that buttons high, and a swallow-tail coat.
It is also permissible for him to wear a short roundtail coat in the
morning hours; it is similar to the gentleman's tailless evening coat,
but it is not faced with silk.  A black or dark tie and black shoes
complete the outfit, which is worn until after the midday meal.  If
guests are to be entertained at luncheon, the butler wears his afternoon
and evening livery.  Otherwise he dons it only after luncheon or about
three o'clock in the afternoon. It consists of complete black evening
dress similar in cut and style to that worn by gentlemen.  There are no
braidings or facings, though the material of the suit may be every whit
as excellent in quality as that worn by the master of the house. The
butler does not wear a white waistcoat, a watch chain, or jeweled studs
with his after noon or evening livery.  Nor may he wear a boutonniere or
an assertive tie or patent leather shoes.  And it is extremely bad taste
for him to use perfume of any kind.  He wears white linen with plain
white studs in the shirt front, a standing collar, white lawn tie and
plain black shoes.  His watch is slipped into his waistcoast pocket
without chain or fob.  White gloves are no longer the custom for men
servants in the private home.  When acting as footman to his mistress in
the afternoon, the butler wears the livery described for the second man.
In cold weather he is supplied with a long footman's coat; and he is also
supplied with a top hat and gloves, all matching in color and style those
worn by the chauffeur.


 THE SECOND MAN

The second man may be employed exclusively for the house, or he may be
employed solely to serve as footman, sitting next to the chauffeur when
the mistress is motoring.  In the latter case he wears the regular livery
matching that worn by the chauffeur. But usually a second man is expected
to help in the house besides serving as footman, He assists the butler by
answering the door bell whenever the other is busy or occupied elsewhere.
He washes dishes and windows and polishes the silver.  He tends to the
open fireplace in winter, and to the arranging of the flowers in the
summer.  The veranda, front steps and courtyard are also in his care.
And when there are guests for dinner, or at a large entertainment, he
helps serve at the table.  The livery of the second man is the same
indoors all day; he does not change for the evening.  It consists of coat
and trousers of one solid color determined by the heads of the house.  It
is usually a very dark green, brown, gray or blue, and the outside edge
of the trouser leg is piped in some contrasting color.  The coat is
usually swallowtail in cut, and is ornamented with brass or silver
buttons on the tails, on the cuffs and down the front. Lately this vogue
of the brass and silver button is disappearing.  The color worn by the
second man should be the predominating color worn by all the other
liveried servants in the household.  It is certainly not good form to
have the chauffeur wear one color of livery, and the footman next to him
wear livery of an entirely different color and cut.  With his livery
described above, the second man wears a waistcoat of Valencia, striped in
the two colors that appear on the coat and trousers.  It is usually cut V
shape, disclosing white linen in which are fastened two plain white
studs, a standing collar, and a white lawn tie.  When he serves as
footman, the second man may either be requested to don complete car
livery, or he may wear a long footman's overcoat; top hat and gloves over
his house livery.  A clean shaven face and well-brushed, close-clipped
hair are pleasing characteristics of the second man.  Untidiness, ill-
kept hands and nails, and the use of jewelry or perfume should not be
tolerated in the second man, whether be serves only as footman, or in the
house.  When he helps the butler at the dinner table, he should be
especially immaculate in appearance.


 THE CHAUFFEUR

The gallant coachman of a decade ago has given way to the chauffeur of
to-day.  But we find that his livery is no less important. It is governed
by a very definite convention.  In winter, for instance, the chauffeur
wears long trousers of melton or kersey or similar material and a
double-breasted greatcoat of the same material.  The collar and cuffs may
be of a contrasting color or of the same color as the rest of the
material.  He wears a flat cap with a stiff visor and a band of the same
contrasting color that appears on the collar and cuffs of the coat.  Dark
gloves and shoes are worn.  Sometimes, instead of long trousers, the
chauffeur wears knee-trousers with leather leggings.  It desired, a
double row of brass, silver or polished horn buttons may decorate the
front of the greatcoat, but this must be determined by the prevailing
custom.  If the weather is extremely cold, the chauffeur should be
provided with a long coat of goat or wolf-skin, or some other suitable
protection against the cold and wind.  During the summer months, the
chauffeur usually wears gray or brown cords, developed in the
conventional style.  His cap and gloves match.


 DUTIES OF THE CHAUFFEUR

The complete care of the car or cars devolves upon the chauffeur.  He
must see that it is always spotless and shining, that it is in good
condition and will not break down during a trip, and that it is in
readiness whenever the owners want to use it.  When the mistress goes
motoring, the chauffeur stands at the door of the car until she enters,
arranges the robes and sees that she is comfortable before taking his own
place.  Upon receiving her orders, he touches the rim of his cap.  It is
not necessary, however, upon reaching the destination for the chauffeur
to descend and open the door for his mistress.  His place is at the wheel
and that is where he remains.  But if there is a second man to assist the
chauffeur, who accompanies him on every trip as a motor footman, he
should descend and stand at attention while the mistress emerges from the
car.  The footman dresses like the chauffeur.  He leaves cards when the
mistress makes her social calls, and he rings house bells for her.  He is
also expected to be useful in performing personal service for the
masculine members of the household.  Very often it happens that a
tourist, instead of hiring a car and chauffeur when he reaches a strange
country, desires to take his own car and chauffeur with him.  He must be
sure to arrange beforehand to have the man admitted to the foreign
country, for negligence may cause him much delay and trouble when he
reaches the borderline. He must also arrange for the sleeping and eating
facilities of his chauffeur when they stop for a day or two in a town or
village.  It is not right to expect him to eat with the servants, nor
will he wish to eat at the same table with his employer.  It is wisest to
give him an allowance and permit him to eat and sleep where he pleases.


 THE VALET

The business of the valet is to attend to all the comforts and desires of
the master of the house.  He takes no part in the general housework,
except in an emergency.  The valet does not wear livery.  Indoors, in the
evening and during the day, he wears dark gray or black trousers, white
linen, a high-buttoned black waistcoat and a plain black swallow-tailed
coat or one cut with short rounded tails.  He wears a dark tie and dull
leather shoes.  He may also wear an inconspicuous pin in his tie and
simple cuff-links; but a display of jewelry is not permissible. It may
happen that a butler is ill or called away, or that there is a shortage
of servants during a large entertainment.  In this case the valet may be
called upon to serve as a butler, and he then wears complete butler's
dress, with the long-tailed coat. When traveling with his employer, the
valet wears an inconspicuous morning suit of dark gray, brown or blue
tweed in the conventional style.  He completes this outfit with a black
or brown derby hat and black leather shoes.  The duties of the valet are
as follows: he brushes, presses, cleans, packs or lays out the clothes of
his employer, draws the water for his bath, and assists him to dress.  He
keeps his wardrobe in order and packs and un-packs his trunks whenever he
is traveling.  He does all his errands, buys his railway and steamship
tickets, pays his bills, and carries his hand-luggage when they are
traveling together.  Sometimes he shaves him, orders his clothes, and
writes his business letters.  But these duties are expected only of
accomplished valets.  He does not, however, make the bed or sweep or dust
his employer's room.


 THE PAGE

The page is a very convenient servant to have when there is no second-man
or when there are no men-servants at all.  His duties are many and
varied.  He runs errands for everyone in the house, assists the
parlor-maid, looks after the open fire places and opens the door to
callers.  Sometimes he even serves as a sort of miniature footman,
sitting next to the chauffeur in complete footman livery.  The livery for
the page boy is the same during the day and evening.  It is a simple,
neat coat and trousers of dark cloth piped with the contrasting livery
color of the family in which he serves.  The coat fits the body snugly,
and ends at the waistline except for a slight point at back and front.
Metal buttons set as closely together as possible fasten the coat from
top to bottom.  The trousers are piped or braided in the contrasting
color down the outside of the leg. White linen should show at the wrists
and above the high collar of the coat, but there should be no tie.  Black
calf skin shoes complete the outfit, and when the page is out of doors,
he wears a round cap to match his suit.  The bullet-shaped metal buttons
down the front of the coat, and three of the same buttons sewed on the
outside seam of the cuffs, have earned for the page the rather
appropriate name of "Buttons."


 THE MAID-SERVANTS

Whether there is only one maid-servant in the house, or many, their
duties should be clearly defined and understood.  It is the only way to
avoid quarreling and misunderstanding among the servants themselves.  Let
each one understand from the very first day he begins work just what his
duties are.  In this case as in many another an ounce of prevention is
worth a pound of cure.  If there are quarrels among the servants the
mistress should not interfere nor take sides.  If possible she should
remove the cause of the friction, and for a serious fault she should
discharge the one that is causing the disturbance.

The services of the waitress are confined to the drawing-room floor.  She
serves breakfast, luncheon and dinner, and afternoon tea where it is the
custom.  This is assuming, however, that there is no butler in the home.
In this case she attends to all the other duties that would ordinarily
fall upon him.  She answers the doorbell, polishes the silver, helps with
the washing of the dishes and sees that the table is correctly laid for
each meal.

The parlor maid is a luxury enjoyed only by families of great wealth.
She is expected to devote her time and attention wholly to the
drawing-room and dining-room, assisting the waitress in the pantry and
keeping the library and drawing-room in order. But in the average
comfortable home of America there are usually only two maids, a housemaid
and a waitress (with perhaps the additional services of a cook) and these
two maids have the care of the dining, living and bedrooms divided
between them.

The dress of the house-maids is very much alike.  The waitress, or parlor
maid, wears a plain, light-colored dress in the morning with a rather
large apron, and a small white cap.  The chambermaid's costume is very
much the same.  In the afternoon the parlor maid or waitress changes to a
black serge dress in winter, or a black poplin in summer, with white
linen cuffs and collars and a small white apron. [The costumes for
maid-servants change frequently, only in slight details, but enough to
warrant specific research at the time the servant is outfitted.  A large
department store, or a.  store devoted exclusively to the liveries of
servants, will be able to tell you exactly the correct costumes for
maid-servants at the present time.  Or you may find the desired
information in a current housekeeping magazine.]

The maid-servants never wear jewelry or other finery while they are on
duty.  One very simple brooch, or perhaps a pair of cuff links, is
permissible; but bracelets, rings and neck ornaments are in bad taste.
Elaborate dressing of the hair should also be avoided, and careless,
untidy dressing should never be countenanced.


 LADY'S MAID

The lady's maid does not take part in the general housework.  Her duties
are solely to care for the wardrobe of her mistress, to assist her at her
toilette, to draw her bath, to lay out her clothes and keep her room
tidy.  But she does not sweep or dust the room or make the bed--these are
the duties of the chamber-maid.  If she is an accomplished maid she will
probably do a great deal of sewing, and perhaps she will massage her
mistress' hair and manicure her nails.  But these duties are not to he
expected; the mistress who finds her maid is willing to do these things
for her, is indeed fortunate.

A black dress in winter, and a black skirt and waist in summer, worn with
a small, dainty white apron comprises the costume of the lady's maid.
Stiff white cuffs and collar add a touch of prim neatness which is most
desirable.  At the present tune, the tiny white cap formerly worn by
lady's maids has been almost entirely dispensed with.

When traveling with her mistress, the lady's maid should wear only very
simple and inconspicuous clothes.  A tweed suit worn with a neat blouse,
or a tweed coat worn over a simple dress, is the best form.  Anything
gaudy or elaborate worn by a lady's maid is frowned upon by polite
society.


 THE NURSEMAID

The nurse-maid should be very particular about her dress.  She should
always be faultlessly attired, her hair neat and well-brushed, her
entire appearance displaying a tidy cleanliness.

In the house the nurse-maid wears a simple dress of wool or heavy
material with a white apron and white collar and cuffs. In warmer weather
she wears linen or poplin with the apron and collar and cuffs.  Outdoors,
she wears a long full cloak over her house dress.


 DUTIES OF HOUSEMAID

The cook, who is always dressed spotlessly in white, does nothing outside
the kitchen unless special arrangements have been made to the contrary.
She keeps the kitchen tidy and clean, cooks the meals, helps with the
dishes and perhaps attends to the furnace.

The waitress opens and airs the living-rooms, dusts the rooms and gets
everything in readiness for breakfast.  It is customary to excuse her as
soon as the principal part of the breakfast has been served, so that she
may attend to her chamber-work and be ready to come down to her breakfast
by the time the family has finished.  However, before she goes to her own
breakfast, she is expected to clear the dining-room table and take the
dishes into the kitchen.

If the waitress does not help with the chamber-work, this duty falls
entirely upon the chamber-maid.  She must make the beds, sweep and dust
the bedrooms, and keep them immaculate.  The mistress should inspect the
chamber-work occasionally for servants must not be permitted to feel that
carelessness in details will be overlooked And the mistress should also
take care of her own linen closet, unless she has a very trustworthy and
competent servant; for linens should be worn alike, and not some worn
constantly and others allowed to lie forgotten in corner of the closet.


 IN CONCLUSION

A good servant--and by "good" we mean a man or woman who goes about
duties cheerfully, is respectful and willing, who is neat, well-mannered
and well-trained must be treated in the right manner if he or she is to
remain such.  There are so many blunders the mistress can make, so many
mistakes that bring the wrong response from those who are temporarily a
part of her household.

For instance, a haughty, arrogant manner towards a servant who is
sensitive will by no means encourage that servant to do his or her best
work.  And on the other hand, a servile manner towards a good servant one
is afraid of losing, encourages that servant to take liberties and become
unduly familiar.

It is as difficult to be a good mistress as it is to be a good servant.
Both duties require a keen understanding and appreciation of human
nature, a kindliness of spirit and a desire to be helpful.  Both the
servant and the mistress have their trials and troubles, but they should
remember that it is only through mutual helpfulness and consideration, an
exacting attention to duties and responsibilities, a wise supervision and
a faithful service, that harmony and happiness can be reached in the
home. And both should bear in mind that this harmony and happiness is
something worth-while striving for, something worth-while being patient
and persistent for.

There is an old proverb which literally translated means, "By the servant
the master is known."  It is a good proverb for both the servant and the
mistress to remember.



 CHAPTER II

 DINNERS

 ABOUT THE AMERICAN HOSTESS

The greatest pride of the American hostess is her formal dinner. And it
is to her credit that we mention that she can hold her own against the
most aristocratic families of Europe.

There is a story told of a well-known New York society matron who gave a
formal dinner party on every occasion that warranted it, no matter how
trivial, for the reason that it gave her keen pleasure and enjoyment to
do so.  At one of her dinners recently a famous world-touring lecturer
was the guest of honor--and the hostess was as happy and proud as it is
possible for a hostess to be.  Especially was she proud of the delectable
menu she had ordered prepared for the occasion.

But much to her chagrin, she noticed that her distinguished guest was not
eating the tempting hot dishes--only the vegetables, and relishes and
fruits.  She did not wish to appear rude, but she could not wait until
dinner was over before asking him why he was not eating.  "I am a
vegetarian," he answered, "and I never indulge in meats."

The hostess-of-many-dinners had an inspiration.  Here was an opportunity
to give a unique dinner-and nothing could be more delightful for her.  A
week later, she sent out invitations to all her friends requesting their
presence at another formal dinner to be held in honor of the visiting
lecturer.  This time it was a vegetarian dinner.  Suffice to say that it
was a huge success.

Such is the hospitality of our American hostesses that they will concede
to every whim and desire of their guests.  They must be pleased at all
costs.  The dinner is not a success unless each guest leaves a little
happier than when he came and incidentally a little better pleased with
the person who happens to be giving the dinner.

 PLANNING THE FORMAL DINNER

First in importance, of course, is when shall the formal dinner be held?
Any evening of the week may be selected--although Sunday is rarely
chosen.  The hour is usually between seven and eight o'clock.
Invitations should be mailed a week or ten days before the date set for
the dinner.  The hostess may use her own judgment in deciding whether the
invitations should be engraved on cards, or hand-written on note paper.
The former is preferred for an elaborate dinner, the latter for a small
one.

It must be remembered in inviting guests to dinner, that it is a breach
of etiquette to invite a wife without her husband, or the opposite.  A
married couple must always be invited together.  If there are other
members of the family who are desired as guests at the dinner, separate
invitations must be sent to them.  A dinner card is always addressed to a
husband and wife, and individually to single persons.

For the convenience of the host, it is a point of courtesy for every
recipient of an invitation to dinner, to answer promptly. A good rule is
to decide immediately upon receiving it whether or not you will be able
to attend, and follow it with a cordial answer within the next
twenty-four hours.  If you find that you must refuse, there must be a
very good reason for doing so.

In planning the dinner party, the hostess must go over her list of
friends and carefully select six or eight who would naturally be most
congenial together.  The number may even be as low as four, and while
there can be no absolute limit to the number one may invite, there must
never be more than the hostess can handle easily.  If the guests are
chosen carefully, with a regard for their likes and dislikes, the dinner
is bound to be a happy one.

 ARRANGING THE TABLE

To set the formal dinner table correctly is an art in itself.

The appointments of the modern dinner table are a delight. Services are
of silver and china is of the finest.  Both the square or round table are
appropriate, the latter being the most popular since it is easier to make
attractive.  A mat of asbestos or a thickness of canton flannel is first
spread on the table.  Over this comes the snowy, linen table-cover,
falling gracefully over the sides with the four points almost touching
the floor.  A place is laid for each guest.  The most fashionable method
is to have a large lace or embroidered doily in the center of the table,
and smaller ones indicating the position of the guests.  A centerpiece of
glass, china, silver, is usually used, over the doily or without it, and
on top of this, flowers. Delicate ferns are sometimes used instead of
flowers, although roses (hot-house roses when no others are obtainable)
are always the favorite at an elaborate dinner.

 STARTING AT THE CENTER

When the center ornament has been adjusted, it may be used as a
mathematical base for all the rest of the table appointments.
Candlesticks, either of silver or bronze, are artistic when placed at
equal distance around the flowers.  They diffuse a soft light upon the
table, and by being an incentive to the recalling of old memories, they
invoke conversation when there is danger of its lagging.  It is one of
the charms of candlelight--thus power to bring up pleasant reminiscences.
Between these stately guardians of the floral centerpiece may be placed
small dishes containing preserved ginger, macaroons or bon-bons.

Salt-cellars and pepper-boxes are next located on the table, and the
places are laid for the guests.  The proper number of forks is placed to
the left.  The knives and spoons are placed at the right.  They are
placed in the order in which they are to be used.  Not more than three
forks should ever appear on the table at one time.  If others are needed
they should be placed with their respective courses.  A small square of
bread, or a roll, is in the center, covered with the folded napkin, and a
little to the left are the several glasses.

Care must be taken in arranging the dinner table to have both sides
balanced.  There is an old maxim that says, "There must be a use for
everything" and this holds especially true of the table of good taste.
It must not be littered with useless articles, no matter how artistic or
odd, for they hamper the movements of the guests and make things
unnecessarily crowded. Butter rarely appears on the table at the formal
dinner; and condiments are brought in by the servant only as they are
needed.

 SOME IMPORTANT DETAILS

Menu-cards are no longer used at the formal dinner, unless it is in
celebration of some auspicious occasion and honored guests are present.
In this case, the hostess has the menus printed or engraved in a delicate
script and has one placed beside the plate of each guest.  A favorite
fashion is to have them printed in French.  Sometimes one of these cards
serves for two guests, although the hostess who takes a pride in her
dinners will provide each guest with one, as it serves as an appropriate
souvenir of the occasion.

The lighting effect of the dining-room is important.  Instead of the
candles on the table there may be an electric cluster high above the
table, or small candle-power electric lights on the walls.  These latter
produce a soft effect which is most pleasing.  Glaring lights of any kind
should be avoided.  Candles and electric lights should never be used in
conjunction.

There is nothing more conducive to thorough enjoyment of an evening, to
the thorough enjoyment of a menu, than when table and appointments are
perfect and artistically simple.  The hostess should give as much time
and thought to the preparation and arrangement of the table, as she does
to the planning of the menu.  She will find that her guests will
appreciate novel lighting effects, surprising color tones, unusual
serving innovations.  And she will find that a correctly laid table will
add surprisingly to the entire success of her dinner party.

 TABLE ETIQUETTE

The importance of correct table etiquette cannot be over-emphasized.
Nothing is more vulgar, than clumsy, awkward movements at the table, and
it is certainly a sign of ill-breeding deliberately to fail to act in
accordance with the rules of table etiquette.  The rules of dinner
etiquette should be studied carefully and just as carefully followed, if
one wishes to be--and everyone does--a lady or a gentleman.

Perhaps the most important thing is one's bearing at table.  Very often
you see a seemingly cultured gentleman in a hotel dining-room or
restaurant playing with the table silver or absent-mindedly clinking
glasses together.  This may be overlooked in the restaurant, but at a
formal dinner it is essentially bad form.  When the hands are not being
used, they should rest quietly in the lap--never should the elbows be
rested on the table.  The chair should be neither too near nor too far
from the table; both are ungraceful and awkward.

 TABLE SERVICE

The dinner napkin is from twenty to twenty-four inches across. It is
folded square unless the table is somewhat crowded, when it may be folded
diagonally (after having been folded square) so as to give more space
around the board.  If the napkins are monogrammed the monogram should be
placed so as to be in plain view.

At a formal dinner the first course is on the table when the guests enter
the dining-room.  It consists of oysters, a canape, a fruit cocktail,
grapefruit or something else of the same kind. Oysters on the half-shell
are served bedded in crushed ice in a soup plate.  This is placed on the
service plate.  A cocktail is served in a cocktail glass which is placed
on a doily-covered plate which in turn is placed on the service plate.
The silver for the first course may be on the table beside the soup spoon
or it may be served with the course.

The waiter removes the first course entirely before the soup is placed.
He stands at the left of each guest and removes the plates with his left
hand.  The soup in soup plates (not in a tureen) is placed on the service
plates and when this course is over service plates as well as soup plates
are removed and the entree is served.  If the plates for it are empty
they are placed with the right hand but if the entree is already on them
they are placed with the left.  If empty plates are supplied the waiter
passes the entree on a platter held on a folded napkin on his left hand,
using his right hand to help balance it.  Each guest serves himself.

At the conclusion of this course the plates are removed and empty warm
plates placed for the meat course.  The meat should be carved before it
is brought to the table and after the waiter has served each person he
serves the vegetables.  If there is only one waiter it is more convenient
to have the vegetables placed on the table in large vegetable dishes from
which each guest serves himself.  After the vegetables have gone around
once they are removed but they may be passed once or twice again before
the conclusion of the meal.

The salad follows.  It may be served on each plate (and this is surely
the more artistic way) or it may be served from a platter.  After the
salad the table is cleared of all plates that have been in use, of salt
and pepper shakers or cellars and is crumbed before the dessert is
brought in.

Usually the dessert which is nearly always ice-cream or something else
frozen is served in individual dishes.  Small cakes are passed with it.
Other desserts besides ice-cream are served in much the same way.

When the dessert has been removed, finger-bowls half filled with water
and placed on a small doily-covered plate are set before each person.

Coffee may be served at the table but it is more often served in the
drawing-room.

 USE OF THE NAPKIN

What can be more unsightly than a napkin tucked carefully in the top of
one's waistcoat?  And still, how often one sees it done among men who
believe that they are impressively well-bred!  The proper way to use a
napkin, whether it is at a formal dinner, or in a restaurant, is to
unfold it only half, leaving the center fold as it is, and lay it across
the knees.  It may be used constantly during the meal, whenever the guest
finds need for it, but it must never be completely unfolded.

When rising from the table, the napkin is placed as it is on the table.
It is never folded again into its original form, as that would be an
assumption on the part of the guest that the hostess would use it again
before laundering.  A reprehensible habit is to drop the napkin
carelessly into the finger-bowl, or over the coffee cup.  It should be
laid on the table, at the right of the finger-bowl.

 THE SPOON AT THE DINNER TABLE

Spoons are used when eating grapefruit and other fruits served with
cream.  Jellies, puddings, custards, porridges, preserves and boiled eggs
are always eaten with spoons.  Also, of course, soup, bouillon, coffee
and tea.  In the case of the three latter beverages, however; the spoon
is used only to stir them once or twice and to taste them to see that
they are of the desired temperature.  It is never allowed to stand in the
cup while the beverage is being drunk.  Nor is it permissible to draw up
a spoonful of soup or coffee and blow upon it; one must wait until it is
sufficiently cooled of itself.  In taking soup, the correct way to use
the spoon is to dip it with an outward motion instead of drawing it
towards one.  The soup is then imbibed from the side, not the end.

 THE FORK AND KNIFE

In using the fork and knife, one can display a pleasing grace, or just
the opposite--awkward clumsiness.  It depends entirely upon how well one
knows and follows the correct rules.  The first rule to be remembered is
that a knife is never used for any other purpose than cutting food.  It
is unforgiveable to use a knife to convey food to the mouth--
unforgiveable and vulgar.  The knife is held in the right hand and
the fork in the left.  When the desired morsel of food is cut, the knife
is laid aside temporarily and the fork is shifted to the right hand.

The knife and fork should never be held in the same hand together, and
when not being used, one or both of the utensils should rest on the
plate.  They should never be allowed to rest against the edge of the
plate with the handles on the table; when one is through with both the
knife and fork, they should be placed entirely on the plate, their tips
touching at the center, their handles resting against the edge.  They are
never placed back again on the table.

The foods eaten with the fork are meats, vegetables, fish, salads,
oysters and clams, lobster, ices, frozen puddings and melons.  Hearts of
lettuce and lettuce leaves are folded up with the fork and conveyed uncut
to the mouth.  If the leaves are too large to be folded conveniently,
they may be cut with the blunt edge of the fork--never with a knife.

 FINGER FOODS

Various foods are eaten with the fingers instead of fork or spoon.
Bread, for instance, is never cut but always broken into small pieces and
lifted to the mouth with the fingers.  Butter is seldom provided at the
formal dinner, but if it is, each little piece of bread is buttered
individually just before it is eaten.  Crackers and cake are eaten in the
same way; although some cakes and pastries are eaten with the fork.
Those that can be eaten daintily with the fingers such as macaroons,
lady-fingers, cookies, etc., should be eaten so while layer cake and
elaborate pastries should be eaten with the fork.

Corn on the cob is without a doubt one of the most difficult foods to eat
gracefully.  And yet it is too delicious to forego the pleasure of eating
it at all.  It is entirely permissible to use the fingers in eating corn,
holding it lightly at each end; sometimes a napkin is used in holding it.
Many a foresighted hostess, when serving corn on the cob, provides each
guest with a short, keen, steel-bladed knife with which the kernels may
be cut from the cob easily.  This is by far the most satisfactory method.

French artichokes are also difficult to eat.  The proper way is to break
them apart, leaf by leaf, dip the tips in the sauce and lift them to the
mouth with the fingers.  The heart is cut and eaten with a fork.

Lobster claws may be pulled apart with the fingers.  Shrimps also, when
served whole in their shells, may be separated, peeled and eaten with the
fingers.  Fruits such as oranges, apples, grapes, peaches and plums are
all eaten with the fingers.  Celery, radishes and olives are similarly
eaten. Sometimes there are other relishes on the dinner table, and the
guest must use his common sense to determine whether they are eaten with
the fork or fingers.  Bonbons, of course, are always eaten with the
fingers.

Whenever fruits are served the finger-bowl should follow.  It is always
used at the completion of the dinner.  The bowl is half filled with tepid
water and set upon a plate.  A fragrant leaf may be added to the water.
The fingers are dipped lightly into the bowl, one hand at a time, and
then dried on the napkin.  It is a mark of ill breeding to splash the
water about, to put both hands into the bowl at once, or to wet the
entire palm of the hand.  Only the finger tips should touch the water.

 TABLE ACCIDENTS

"Accidents will happen"--at the dinner table as well as anywhere else.
The duty of the guest and the hostess both is to see that no confusion
and embarrassment follows.

If a spoon or fork or napkin is dropped, the proper thing to do is to
allow the servant to pick it up; the well-trained servant will not return
it, but place it aside and give the guest another one.  If a glass or cup
is dropped and broken, embarrassed apologies will not put it together
again, but a word of sincere regret to the hostess will relieve the
awkwardness of the moment, and will be as gratifying to her as profuse
apologies.  If the article broken is a valuable one, the guest may
replace it by sending, a day or two later, another one as nearly like it
as possible.  A cordial note of regret may accompany it.

Sometimes a cup of coffee or a glass of water is overturned at the table.
This is, of course, a very serious and unpleasant accident, but there is
no necessity in making matters worse by fussing about it and offering
several exaggerated apologies.  A simple word or two to the hostess will
suffice; but it is really quite important that one should be careful not
to let an accident of this kind happen too often, otherwise one will soon
acquire the reputation of being a clumsy boor.

There is certainly no reason to feel embarrassed when an accident occurs
at the dinner table  that is, of course, if it was not due to
carelessness.  It is not the accident itself that will cause the guests
and the hostess to consider one ill-bred, but continued mention of it and
many flustered apologies.  "I am sorry" or "How careless of me!" are
sufficient offers of regret--the matter should then be forgotten.

 THE HOSTESS

Important indeed are the duties of the hostess, for it is upon her that
the ultimate success of the dinner depends.  It is not enough to send out
the invitations, plan a delectable menu and supervise the laying of the
table.  She must afford pleasant diversion and entertainment for her
guests from the minute they enter her home until they are ready to leave.
The ideal hostess is the one who can make her guests, one and all, feel
better satisfied with themselves and the world in general when they leave
her home than they did when they arrived.

 WHEN THE GUESTS ARRIVE

The duty of receiving and welcoming the guests rests with the host and
hostess.  They receive in the drawing-room until fifteen or twenty
minutes after the time mentioned in the invitations. Then, even if there
is still a guest or two missing, it is customary for dinner to be served.
Only on one occasion does this rule vary; if the dinner is being held in
honor of some celebrated guest, it may not be served until he has
arrived.

The hostess, in inviting her guests, should be sure that there is an
equal number of men and women.  Husbands and wives should never be sent
into the dining-room together.  The usual order of precedence is as
follows:  The host leads with the lady who is to sit at his right; if the
dinner is in honor of a married couple, the host goes in to dinner with
the wife of the honored guest; the hostess ending the "procession" with
that lady's husband. When there are no guests of honor the host takes the
eldest lady present.  Usually a lady visiting the house for the first
time is the first to enter the dining-room.  If there is one more woman
than men in the party, the customary thing is for the hostess to enter
the dining-room alone after all her guests have entered it.  She must
never take the other arm of the last gentleman.

The seating should be arranged by placing cards bearing the names of each
guest next to each plate if the party is a large one.  This method may be
pursued if the party is small, though, in this case it is quite possible
for the hostess to indicate gracefully the place where she wishes each
guest to sit.  The guests who enter the dining-room together sit side by
side; the hostess always waits until everyone is seated, before she takes
her place and motions that the dinner is to proceed.

When a guest arrives late, the hostess must endeavor to make him feel at
ease and unembarrassed.  If the guest is a woman, she rises, greets her
cordially and conducts her to her place without mentioning her lateness.
If it is a man, she merely bows and smiles without rising and immediately
starts a lively discussion or interesting conversation to draw attention
away from the late arrival.  In this manner he is put at ease, and the
incident is promptly forgotten.

 THE SUCCESSFUL HOSTESS

The hostess must see that all her guests are comfortable and well taken
care of.  She must stimulate conversation and help things along by
herself relating amusing little anecdotes or experiences.  She must not
introduce any topic, however, that would in the least detail suggest
scandal or gossip.

Nothing is more delightful, at the dinner table, whether formal or
informal, than the interesting little chats between old friends and new
acquaintances.  Special musical programs always please dinner guests, and
when held after dinner are usually appreciated.  In selecting musical
numbers the hostess should bear in mind the personal likes and dislikes
of her guests. Music during the meal if it is soft enough not to
interfere with conversation is pleasing, though it is not essential.  The
musicians should be hidden behind palms.

Happy is she, who, at the conclusion of the formal dinner, can say to
herself that everything was as it should be; that each of the guests had
an enjoyable time; that the entire dinner had been a success.  And she
may claim the success of the evening as her own, for it is upon the
hostess that each phase of successful dinner-giving devolves, even when
most of the actual entertaining is done by one or more of the guests.

 THE GUEST

When Gung-Yee-Far-Choy (the Chinese two-week New Year) comes, our yellow
cousins make their formal visits.  It is a time of extreme convention,
and despite the seeming revelry and celebration, the strictest rules are
observed.  The calls are made according to the caller's rank.  One pays
visits to those superior, receiving in turn those inferior.  It is
perplexing to know just how they decide which is superior and which
inferior in each case.  Perhaps it is their Oriental instinct.

But the American guest does not have to determine whether he is superior
to his host and hostess--or the opposite.  It is already decided for him,
by the laws of etiquette.  For the guest at the formal dinner must accord
every respect and honor to his host and hostess not in the servile manner
of the coolie towards the mandarin, of course--but in the captivating and
charming manner that bespeaks the fine lady and gentleman.

 COMMENTS ON FOOD

Men and women of cultivation rarely make comments on food except to
praise.  It is better to accept a little of each course on one's place
and eat a bit of it although one does not particularly care for it, than
to refuse it entirely.  A highly amusing story is related of a guest who
was invited to a formal dinner given by a prominent New York woman who
had gained a reputation for the savory qualities of the soups she served.
On this occasion she was especially proud of her Grun Yung Waa
(Bird's-Nest Soup)--and really, from all reports, it must have been
remarkably delicious.  But the guest we are writing about, sniffed at the
soup disdainfully and asked, "Is this some of that new canned soup they
are advertising?"  The hostess blushed--as any conscientious hostess
would--and the next time she issued invitations for dinner, she somehow
forgot to include the guest who read the advertisements so diligently.

 SECOND HELPINGS

A guest at a formal dinner should never ask for a second helping of any
dish.  This holds equally true for an elaborate luncheon. However, the
host or hostess may offer to provide a second helping to any one of the
guests who has disposed of his first helping.  In this case, the guest
may acknowledge it with a smile, or if his appetite is entirely
satisfied, he may refuse it with a polite word of thanks.

To insist, on the part of the host, after the guest has refused a second
helping, is overdoing the bounds of hospitality, and perilously borders
on the verge of incivility.

 THE MENU

The hostess must be careful not to apologize profusely for things which
are not as she would like to have them; it is better form completely to
ignore the fact that the salad is not crisp enough or that the entree is
too highly seasoned.  The entire time spent at table should be no more
than an hour and a half.  An hour is usually sufficient if the courses
are served with expedition.  But there must be no semblance of haste.

Good cook books are full of suggestions for delectable menus and for the
order of service.  The butler or maid takes complete charge and it is
better to have a less elaborate dinner than to have so many courses that
he or she cannot manage without haste, noise, or confusion.  The order of
service depends upon the number of courses.  The cook book will help
here, also. Generally speaking, oysters on the half shell buried in ice,
a cocktail, or a fruit cup constitutes the first course.  This is
followed by soup, game or fish, a salad, the roast and vegetables,
dessert and coffee.

In presenting the first course the lady at the right of the host is
served first.  After that the order is varied so that the same person
will not be served last every time.  The butler serves dishes from the
left and removes them from the right.  No plates for any course are
removed until everyone has finished.  It is not necessary to wait until
everyone is served to begin eating but it is most vulgar to show undue
haste.

It is the duty of the butler to keep the glasses filled with water and to
see that nuts, bonbons, etc., are passed frequently.

When fruit is served, the butler places a glass dessert plate on which is
an embroidered doily and finger-bowl, before each guest, and next to it a
small fruit knife.  Then the fruits are offered to each guest; and when
the hostess is quite sure that everyone has finished, she makes the sign
for retiring.  The usual manner of doing this, is to catch the eye of the
lady who is the partner of her husband for the evening, nod and smile to
her, and they both rise together, followed immediately by the other women
guests.  They adjourn to the drawing-room, where coffee is served and
light conversation ensues until the men join them.  The latter, in the
meanwhile, remain in the dining-room to smoke their cigars and drink
their coffee.  Usually they will leave their original seats and move up
to the end of the table, gathering around the host, whose duty it now is
to entertain them and to keep pleasant conversation going.  Fifteen
minutes is an ample time for the gentlemen to smoke and chat by
themselves.  Then they are expected to join the ladies in the
drawing-room.

 SPECIAL ENTERTAINMENT

Some hostesses like to provide special entertainment for their
guests--professional dancers, elocutionists, or singers.  But here
"circumstances must alter cases."  As a matter of fact, not very much
entertainment is really required, for if the guests are congenial, they
will no doubt enjoy conversation among themselves.  It is, of course, not
necessary to limit one's conversation to the lady or gentleman with whom
one's lot has been cast for the evening.  However, special attention
should be paid to that person.

 WHEN TO LEAVE

It is only an extremely rude and discourteous guest who will leave
immediately upon the conclusion of the dinner.  The correct thing to do,
when invited to a dinner that begins at eight o'clock is to order one's
car to appear at the door at ten-thirty.  In most cases, however, when
the guests are brilliant and pleasant, and when conversation holds one in
spite of the desire to leave, it is customary to remain until eleven
o'clock when the party will, no doubt, break up entirely.

In these days of gay festivities and continual hospitalities, it is not
unusual for a popular guest to be invited to two receptions in one
evening.  Even this urgent responsibility, however, does not warrant the
guest's hurrying away while the dinner is still serving--though it may be
the last stages.  The courteous way is to wait until all the guests have
adjourned to the drawing-room, remain fifteen or twenty minutes
conversing with one's partner or other guests, and then with a fitting
apology and brief explanation, order one's car.  If this is followed, the
hostess cannot feel any dissatisfaction or resentment; but the guest who
insists on rushing away, shows ill-breeding and inconsideration.

 TAKING LEAVE

The lady, whether she be wife, sister or fiancee, is the first to express
a desire to depart.  When she does, she and the gentleman will seek out
the host and hostess, thank them cordially for their hospitality, and
take their leave.  Here are some accepted forms that may be used with
variations according to the guest's own personality:

"Good-night, Mrs.  Carr.  I must thank you for a perfectly delightful
evening."

To which the hostess will no doubt answer something to this effect:

"We were glad to have you, I'm sure, Mrs.  Roberts."

Here is another manner in which to extend one's thanks, and how to accept
them:

"Sorry we must start so soon, Mrs.  Carr.  Thank you so much for your
kindness."

"Good-night, Mrs.  Roberts.  I hope to see you soon again."

It is also very important to bid one's partner for the evening a cordial
good-night.  In fact, it is a flagrant breach to leave without having
thanked one's partner--and a gentleman will never do it.  A word or two
is all that is necessary.

The hostess, in taking leave of her guests, will gratefully acknowledge
their thanks and say a word or two expressing her pleasure at their
presence.  It is not civil or courteous on the part of either host or
hostess to attempt to prolong the presence of any guest after he has made
it known that he wishes to depart.

 INVITING A STOP-GAP

If the hostess finds, almost at the last moment, that one of her guests
is unavoidably detained and will not be able to attend the dinner, she
may call upon a friend to take the vacant place.  The friend thus invited
should not feel that he or she is playing "second-fiddle" and the fact
that she was not invited at first should not tempt her to refuse the
invitation which would be a serious discourtesy, indeed.  Quite on the
contrary, she should accept cordially, and then do her utmost to make her
(or his, as the case may be) presence at the dinner amiable and pleasant.

The invitation is usually in the form of a hand-written note, explaining
the reason for its last-minute arrival, and frankly requesting the
presence of the lady or gentleman in the place of the one who cannot
appear.  The answer should be brief but sincere; there must be no hint in
it that the recipient is not altogether pleased with the invitation and
with the idea of dining in someone's else place.  To refuse an invitation
to serve as a stop-gap, without an acceptable reason for doing so is an
inexcusable violation of the rules of good breeding.

Of course, it is not always agreeable to the hostess to call on one of
her friends to attend her dinner in the place of someone else; but it is
certainly a better plan than to leave the guest out entirely, and have
one more lady than gentleman, or vice versa.  If the note is cordial and
frankly sincere, a good friend will not feel any unreasonable resentment,
but will, in fact, be pleased to serve.

 SIMPLE DINNERS

The simple dinner, perfectly achieved, is as admirable a feat as the
elaborate dinner, perfectly achieved.  The hostess who has attained the
art of giving perfect dinners, though they are small, may well be proud
of her attainment.

If the cook knows how to cook; if the maid is well trained, and correctly
attired in white cap and apron and black dress; if the table is laid
according to the rules of dinner etiquette; if the welcome is cordial and
the company congenial--the simple dinner may rank with the most
extravagant and elaborate formal dinner. The cover may contain fewer
pieces and the menu may contain fewer courses, the setting may be less
fashionable, though not less harmonious, and still the dinner may be
extremely tempting and enjoyable.

 INVITING CONGENIAL GUESTS

Perhaps it is more important to select the guests wisely at a small
informal dinner than it is at a formal one.  As there are usually only
four or six guests, they will undoubtedly become well acquainted by the
time the dinner is over, and in order to have agreeable conversation it
is necessary that they be congenial.

In a week or two, one generally forgets just what food was eaten at a
certain dinner--but if the guests were all amiable and pleasing, the
memory of conversation with them will linger and be constantly associated
with the hostess and her home.  Many a hostess would be happier (and her
guests, too) if less time were paid to the planning of a menu, and more
time spent in choosing guests who will be happy together.

 WHEN THERE ARE NO SERVANTS

There is no reason why lack of servants should prevent one from
entertaining friends and extending one's hospitality.  The ideal hostess
is not the one who tries to outdo her neighbor--who attempts, even though
it is beyond her means, to give elaborate dinners that vie favorably with
those given by her neighbors. The simplest dinner has possibilities of
being a huge success, if it is given in the spirit of true cordiality.

For instance, a dinner which the writer attended recently was given by a
young woman who did not have any servants.  There were six guests who all
had mutual interests and with very little help from the hostess they were
not long in finding them.

The table was laid for eight.  A silver bowl containing delicate ferns
graced the center.  The lights were shaded to a soft radiance.  The
entire dining-room had an atmosphere of quiet and restfulness about it.
Each guest found, upon taking his place for dinner, a tall fruit glass at
his cover, containing crushed grapefruit and cherries.  When this first
course was finished, the hostess placed the glasses on a serving table
and wheeled it into the kitchen.  The kitchen adjoined the dining-room,
which of course facilitated matters considerably.  And yet it was
sufficiently separated to exclude all unpleasant signs of cooking.

There was no confusion, no haste, no awkward pauses.  Somehow, the guests
seemed to forget that maids or butlers were necessary at all.  The quiet,
calm poise of the hostess dominated the entire party and everyone felt
contented and at ease.

There was a complete absence of restraint of any kind; conversation
flowed smoothly and naturally, and in the enjoyment of one another's
company, the guests were as happy and satisfied as they would probably
have been at an elaborate formal dinner.

A table service wagon is most useful for the woman who is her own maid.
It stands at the right of the hostess and may be wheeled in and out as
she finds it necessary, though for the informal dinner it should not be
essential to move it once it is in place.  In the drawer should be found
one or two extra napkins and extra silver for each course in case of
accident or emergency.  The coffee service may be placed on top of the
table with the dishes for the several courses arranged on the shelves of
the table from top to bottom in the order in which they are to be used.
The table should not be too heavily loaded.  It is much more useful when
things are "easy to get at."

If your home is small and inconvenient, if you become easily flustered,
if you don't find intense pleasure in making others happy, then don't
invite friends to dinner--and discomfort.  But if you are the jolly,
calm, happy sort of a hostess, who can attend to duties quickly and yet
without confusion, if you have a cozy little home and taste enough to
make it attractive--then give dinners by all means--and your guests will
not object to their simplicity.

 HOTEL DINNERS

With the servant problem growing more complex every year, more and more
hostesses are turning to hotels to provide their special dinners.  These
cannot rival a successful dinner at home but often they are much easier
to arrange and even the most conservative of hostesses may entertain
dinner guests at a hotel.  Private dining-rooms are a luxury but much
more charming than the public room.  The latter is, of course, the one
used by the large majority of people.

Most hotels provide comfortable lobbies or lounges in which guests may
wait for each other.  But if the hotel is a big one and crowded it is
pleasanter to meet elsewhere and arrive together.

The etiquette of the hotel dining-room is that of the home dining-room.
Nothing should ever be done to draw attention to the group of people who
are dining there.  Quiet behavior is more than ever valuable.

 DRESS FOR DINNER

For an informal dinner a woman may wear a semi-evening dress of the sort
suitable for afternoon while her partner wears the regular dinner jacket.
For a formal affair formal decollete dress with the hair arranged
somewhat more elaborately than usual is required.  Jewels may be worn.
Gloves are always removed, never at a dinner should they be tucked in at
the wrists.  Men, of course, wear full evening dress to a formal dinner.

In hotels and other public dining-rooms there is more freedom of choice
as to what one shall wear but it is in bad taste to attire oneself
conspicuously.  A woman dining alone should always wear her hat into the
dining-room even if she is a guest of the hotel.

It is amazing how much the little niceties of life have to do with making
a dinner pleasant, and in every home the family should "dress for dinner"
even though this may not mean donning regulation evening dress.  Formal
or informal, in the intimacy of the family circle or in a large group of
friends the meal should be unhurried and calm.



 CHAPTER III

 LUNCHEONS

 PURPOSE OF THE LUNCHEON

In England, and especially in London, the luncheon is held in quite as
high esteem as our most formal dinners.  For it is at the luncheon, in
England, that distinguished men and women meet to discuss the important
topics of the moment and exchange opinions.  It is indeed easy to
understand why this would be a delightful meal, for there is none of the
restraint and formality of the late dinner.  But in America, perhaps
because most all of our gentlemen are at business "down-town" during the
day, perhaps because we disdain to ape England's customs, the luncheon
has not yet reached the point where it rivals the formal dinner.  And yet
it holds rather an important place all its own.

The "place" is distinctly feminine.  The ladies of America have taken the
luncheon in hand and developed it into a splendid midday entertainment
and means of hospitality.  The gentlemen are of course welcome; but they
are rarely present.  It is usually among themselves that the ladies
celebrate the ceremony of the luncheon--both formal and informal--and
that it has survived, and is tending to become permanently popular, is
sufficient proof of its success.  It is often preceded or followed by
cards or other simple entertainment.

 INFORMAL LUNCHEONS

Invitations may be sent only a few days before the day set for the
luncheon, and are usually written in the first person instead of the
third which is the convention for more elaborate functions.  The hour of
luncheon is stated, but need not be as rigidly followed as the dinner
hour.  If guests are reasonably late they may be excused, but the late
dinner guest is correctly considered discourteous.  Lord Houghton, famous
in England's social history, used to word his invitations simply "Come
and lunch with me to-morrow" or "Will you lunch with me Tuesday?" He
rarely mentioned the hour.  Incidentally, Lord Houghton's unceremonious
luncheons earned for him widespread comment, and they had much to do with
the ultimate popularity of the informal luncheon in England.

The informal luncheon lost none of its easy congeniality in traveling
across the ocean.  There is a certain friendliness that distinguishes
this meal from all others.  Sometimes, in fact, the hostess dispenses
with the ceremony of service altogether, and her guests help themselves
from the buffet or side-table.  If such is the case, the luncheon
consists of cold meats, ham, tongue, roast beef, etc.; salads, wine
jellies, fruits, cakes, bonbons and coffee.  The most usual way, however,
is to serve a more substantial luncheon, retaining just that degree of
dinner formality that is so gratifying to the social sense.

 ABOUT THE TABLE

Often the informal luncheon is served on the bare table, making use of
numerous lace or linen doilies instead of the usual table-cloth.  (This
does not hold true of the formal luncheon and may not be true even of the
informal one.)

The menu must be appropriate to the season.  Tea or coffee are never
served in the drawing-room after the in formal luncheon. If at all, they
are served right at the table at the conclusion of the meal.

The informal luncheon guest never remains long after the luncheon unless
the hostess has provided special amusement.  If the luncheon lasts an
hour the guests may sit around and chat with the hostess for about a half
hour; but they must remember that she may have afternoon engagements, and
it would be exceedingly inconsiderate and rude on their part to delay
her.

 THE FORMAL LUNCHEON

The formal luncheon is very much like the formal dinner, except that it
is not so substantial as to menu.  The table is laid the same, except
that linen doilies are used in preference to table-cloths.  The latter
are in good form, however, and it is merely a matter of taste in the
final selection.  Then too, there is never any artificial light at a
luncheon, whether it be simple or elaborate.

The formal luncheon usually opens with a first course of fruit--
grapefruit, ordinarily, but sometimes chilled pineapple or fruit
cocktails.  When the fruit glasses are removed, bouillon in two-handled
cups is served.  Some-times a course of fish follows, but it is really
not essential to the luncheon and most hostesses prefer to omit it.  An
entree is next served--chicken, mushrooms, sweetbreads or beef according
to the taste and judgment of the hostess; and usually a vegetable
accompanies it.

A light salad, prepared with a regard for harmony with the rest of the
menu, is always acceptable at the luncheon.  Desserts may be the same as
those served for dinner, jellies, frozen puddings, ice-cream, tarts,
nuts, etc.  It is not customary to retire to the drawing-room for coffee;
it is good form to have it served at the table.  If the weather is
tempting, and if the hostess is so inclined, coffee may be served on the
porch.  However, these lesser details must be decided by personal taste
and convenience.

It may be taken for granted that the hostess would not give a formal
luncheon if she had afternoon engagements.  For that reason, the guests
may stay later than they would at an informal luncheon.  Sometimes music
is provided, and often there are recitations and dramatic readings.
Usually the hour set for a ceremonious luncheon is one-thirty o'clock; it
is safe to say, then, that three o'clock or half-past three is ample time
to take one's departure.

 THE TABLE FOR THE FORMAL LUNCHEON

The appointments of the formal luncheon table are, as was pointed out
above, almost identical with those of the dinner table.

In the first place, butter may be served with the formal luncheon and
rarely with dinner.  Thus we find tiny but ter dishes added at the left
of each luncheon cover.  These plates are usually decorative, and
sometimes are made large enough to contain both the bread and butter,
instead of just the butter alone, Another difference, though
slight.-cut-glass platters for nuts and bonbons take the place of the
silver platters of dinner.

Candles are not used; nor is any other artificial light whenever it can
be avoided.

The formal luncheon offers an ideal time for the hostess to display her
finest china, her best silver.  It is an occasion when dignity and beauty
combine with easy friendliness to make the event memorable, and the wise
hostess spares no effort in adding those little touches that go so far
towards making any entertainment a success.  Menu cards and favors, of
course, are "touches" that belong to the dinner table alone; but flowers,
service and general setting of the dining-room are details that deserve
considerable attention and thought.

 HOSTESS AND GUEST

The primary requisite of a successful luncheon is harmonious and
agreeable relationship between hostess and guests.  This holds true both
of the formal and informal luncheons, though particularly of the former.
One cannot possibly enjoy a luncheon-no matter how carefully the menu
has been prepared, no matter how delightful the environment--if there are
awkward lapses in the conversation; if there are moments of painful,
embarrassing silence; or if the conversation is stilted, affected or
forced.

Spontaneity of conversation and ease of manner, together with a hostess
who knows how to plan delightful little surprises, and simple though
delicious menus,-these are the secrets of successful luncheon-giving.
And if they cannot be observed, the hostess had better direct her
energies toward strictly formal entertainments; the luncheon is not one
of her accomplishments.

The hostess receives in her drawing-room.  She rises as each guest enters
the room, greets her, or him, as the case may be, with outstretched hand,
and proceeds with any necessary introductions.  As soon as all the
guests have arrived, she orders luncheon served, and she herself leads
the way to the dining-room.  The guests may seat themselves in the manner
that is most congenial; but in arranging the formal luncheon, the hostess
usually identifies the correct seat with a small place card.  If there is
a guest of honor, or a lady whom the hostess wishes to show deference to,
she is given the place to the right of the hostess.

If there are gentlemen at the formal luncheon, including the hostess'
husband, they do not remain at the table to smoke and chat as they do
after dinner, but leave the dining-room with the ladies.  Neither do they
offer the ladies their arms when entering or leaving the diningroom.  If
the host is considerate, and is fortunate enough to have a porch, she
will suggest that the gentlemen have their cigars on the porch.

A well-bred guest will never take advantage of the leniency toward
late-comers to the luncheon.  It is /always/ rude to keep people waiting;
but it is doubly so to be lax in one's punctuality because one rule is
not as exacting as another.  The guest must also bear in mind that a
great part of the enjoyment of the luncheon devolves upon his or her own
cordiality and friendliness.  Every guest must feel it a duty to supply
some of the conversation, and if he is not naturally conversant, it might
be wise to decide upon and remember several interesting little anecdotes
that the company will enjoy hearing.  No one can be excused from silence
or lack of interest at the luncheon.

To the hostess, then, goes the responsibility of providing the means of
enjoyment; to the guests goes the responsibility of utilizing this means,
and cooperating with the hostess in making the entire thing a success.
There are huge social possibilities in the luncheon, and it is rapidly
becoming one of America's favorite functions.  With both hostess and
guest observing their duties, it must inevitably be a triumph that will
vie with the important dignity of the formal dinner itself.

 FORMAL AND INFORMAL BREAKFASTS

Breakfast to some people may mean a hastily swallowed cup of tea or
coffee, and a bit of roll or cake.  The early breakfast, of course.  But
to many there is a later breakfast that is as elaborate as it is
tempting.

The formal breakfast may be held any time between ten and twelve-thirty.
A fruit course opens the menu, with a mild hors d'oeuvre following.  Soup
is never served.  After the fruit, fish, broiled or saute is served, and
sometimes deviled lobster if it is preferred.  In England, steamed finnan
haddie is the favorite breakfast fish.

The personal tastes of the guests must be taken into consideration in
deciding upon the main course.  Lamb or veal chops are acceptable, and
egg dishes are always welcomed.  They may be accompanied by mushrooms,
small French peas or potatoes. For the next course, chicken meets with
favor especially if it is broiled or fried with rice.  Dessert of frozen
punch, pastry or jellies follows immediately after the chicken; and
coffee, in breakfast cups, concludes the meal.  And of course, the hot
muffins and crisp biscuits of breakfast fame are not forgotten-nor the
waffles and syrup, either, if one is partial to them.

For an informal breakfast, the menu is correspondingly less elaborate.
Once again it begins with fruit, and it may be followed by the good
old-fashioned course of ham or bacon and eggs with johnny-cake and
potatoes; or the simple breakfast may be started with cereal, served with
cream, and followed with broiled finnan haddie and baked potatoes.  Eggs,
quail or chops, and a crisp salad is another menu often adapted to the
late informal breakfast.  Desserts should be simple; sweets are seldom
indulged in at breakfast.  Buns with marmalade or honey are always
acceptable, and frozen puddings seem to be a just-right finish to a
delicious breakfast.

The informal breakfast is given at ten or eleven o'clock in the morning.
It is never very elaborate; it is, in fact, one of the simplest, yet most
dignified of informal meals.

 DRESS FOR LUNCHEONS AND BREAKFASTS

Whether she is hostess or guest the woman at a breakfast or luncheon
should wear an afternoon gown of silk, crepe-de-chine, velvet, cloth or
novelty material.  In the summer preference may be given organdies,
georgettes, etc.  The simpler the affair the simpler the costume should
be.

Men may wear the cutaway coat if the luncheon is a formal one while for
simpler affairs the sack coat or summer flannels, when the season is
appropriate, may be worn.



 CHAPTER IV

 TEAS AND OTHER ENTERTAINMENTS

 EVOLUTION OF THE AFTERNOON TEA

Of course one cannot mention the words "afternoon tea" without
immediately associating it with merry England. For it was there that,
over two hundred years ago, a dreamy-eyed Dutchman (dreamy-eyed because
he had lived many years in China) brought with him from the Orient a
peculiar little leaf which, with a little hot water and sugar, made a
delicious drink.  At first lordly Englishmen would have none of him--but
he didn't care.  He exhibited the powers of the little leaves, made his
tea, and drank it with evident relish.  Others were curious; they, too,
drank, and once they started it was difficult to do without it.

Someone spread the rumor that this new drink from China contained drugs
and stimulants--and no sooner was this rumor spread than everyone began
drinking it!  Even the ladies and gentlemen of better society finally
condescended to taste "the stuff"--and lo!  before they realized it, it
had been unconsciously adopted as their very own beverage!  Through two
generations the idea of the afternoon tea has been perfected, until
to-day we have cosy, delightful, ceremonious five-o'clock teas that are
the pride of the English and the joy of everyone who follows the custom.

And so we find the afternoon tea enjoying a vogue of unrivaled popularity
here in America.  When a debutante daughter is to be introduced to
society, the mother plans an elaborate afternoon tea (and they can
certainly be elaborate!)  When guests from out-of-town are visiting, the
hostess can think of nothing more appropriate than a chummy tea to
introduce them to her friends. So charming a way of entertaining is the
afternoon tea that it has usurped the evening reception almost entirely,
except when the occasion requires special formality.

 THE SIMPLER TEA

Then, too, there is the simpler tea so dear to the hearts of our
hospitable ladies of good society.  It was George Eliot who earnestly
inquired, "Reader, have you ever drunk a cup of tea?" There is something
undeniably heart-warming and conversation-making in a cup of steaming
hot tea served with delicious cream; it is an ideal prescription for
banishing loneliness.  Perhaps it is not so much the tea itself, as the
circle of happy friends eager for a pleasant chat.

As the simple tea does not require very much preparation or planning, we
will discuss it briefly here and take up only the formal tea in detail.
The simple tea may be served for any guest who chances in between four or
six o'clock in the afternoon. Sometimes a hostess devotes a stated time
each day or on certain days in the week which are known to her friends,
to tea, and she lets her friends know just what the hour is and that they
are welcome to join for a bite and a little chat whenever they feel so
inclined.  There may be one or several little tea tables which are
brought into the drawing-room when the guests are ready for tea.
Covering each one is a dainty lace or linen doily, or an embroidered
tea-cloth.  If tea tables are not available, one large table may serve
the purpose, but it also must be covered with small doilies at each cover
instead of one large table-cloth.

The hostess and one or two of her friends may serve.  The tea is made at
the table and served with very small, dainty sandwiches and all kinds of
quaintly-shaped cakes.  Bonbons, salted nuts and sometimes ices are also
served.

If the hostess does not own dainty tea equipage, the beverage may be made
in the kitchen and brought in ready to serve, fragrant and steaming.  The
custom of the afternoon tea is confined almost wholly to women, though it
is not bad form by any means to have gentlemen present for tea.

A tea wagon offers the most attractive service for an afternoon tea.  It
should not be in the room where the hostess receives but should be
wheeled in from an adjoining room (the dining-room usually).  The maid,
if there is one, performs this service, the hostess herself if there is
no maid.  The table should not be overcrowded and if there is not ample
room for sandwich trays these should be brought in separately.

The china should be thin and of the same general kind though not
necessarily of the same pattern.  There should be sugar--preferably
block sugar with tongs, a pitcher of cream, slices of lemon, mint leaves
and cloves.  If the hostess makes the tea herself she adds sugar, cream,
lemon or whatever else the guest may desire before she passes the cup.
The hostess who cares about her reputation for hospitality will perfect
herself in the gentle art of making delicious tea before the day comes
for her to prove herself before her guests.

 THE FORMAL TEA

When the afternoon tea becomes formal and ceremonious it takes the place
of the customary "at home."  Invitations must be sent a week or ten days
in advance, and if one is unable to attend, a polite note of explanation
must be sent.  However, no answer is necessary if one intends to be
present.

With this more pretentious affair, the refreshments are served in the
dining-room instead of in the drawing-room or outdoors as is sometimes
done at simpler teas.  The hissing urn always holds the place of honor
(except on very warm days when iced tea or iced coffee may be served).
Trays of thinly sliced bread are on the table, and dainty sandwiches in
large variety.  Fruit salads are never amiss, and strawberries with cream
are particularly delightful when in season.  Then, of course, there are
cakes and bonbons and ices, although the latter are usually confined to
warm days.

At a ceremonious tea, the hostess stands near the drawing-room door to
greet each guest as she arrives.  If her daughters receive with her, they
stand to her right, and help in making any necessary introductions.  As
many guests as can be conveniently entertained may be invited to the
formal tea; but the refreshments must never be so substantial that they
will interfere with dinner.  In fact, the tea must be kept true to its
name, for if other eatables besides those fashionable to the tea are
served, it is a reception in substance if not in name.

When one wishes to invite eighteen or twenty friends, and does not wish
to undertake the trouble or expense of a dinner, the "high tea" is in
order.  It is usually held on a Sunday evening. At these "high teas"
small tables are invariably used, four guests being placed at each table.
It is customary to allow the guests to form their own quartettes, for in
this manner they will usually find table companions who will be
congenial--and a most unfortunate occurrence at a "high tea," or in fact
any reception, is a seating arrangement untasteful to the guests
themselves.  The little tables are covered with snowy tea cloths and
decorated with a sprig of flowers in a colored vase occupying the
position of honor.

 THE TEA-TABLE

Perhaps more important than the tea itself, is the appearance of the
tea-table.  The well-equipped table is adorned with fine china and
gleaming silver, and there are always a few flowers to add to the beauty
of the setting.  Ferns may be used instead of flowers, but there must be
no elaborate ribbons or decorations such as appear on the dinner-table.

As a matter of fact, the tea-table should always present an appearance of
unpremeditated simplicity.  It must never seem as though it had been
especially prepared and planned for the occasion.  Candles, dimmed with
pale shades, may be on the table when the day is gloomy and dark.  In
winter, for instance, when the days are shorter, softly-glowing candles
aid considerably in the cheerful ness of the afternoon tea.  Tea napkins
are used instead of those of regular dinner size.

A pretty manner of serving sandwiches or cakes is to have them in
silver-rimmed wicker baskets which can be passed easily from one guest to
another.  If the tea is informal, wicker chairs and tables may also be
used.  This is especially pleasing and appropriate when the tea is served
on the porch or in the garden.

 DRESS AT TEA TIME

Tea time is always the fashionable time of the day and there is
sufficient variety in appropriate materials and style for a woman to find
a gown that is more than ordinarily individual and becoming.  For an
informal tea the hostess may wear a clinging gown of silk but she should
not dress very sumptuously for her guests will come simply attired and it
is hardly hospitable to be a great deal more elaborately dressed than
they.  Afternoon frocks of silk, velvet, cloth, etc., or of summer
materials are suitable for the guest.  When the weather demands it she
wears an attractive wrap.

In selecting dresses for teas, and, indeed for all occasions, it is well
to remember that the more ornamentation there is the less elegance there
will be.  The materials should be rich but not showy--the best-dressed
person is the one who calls least attention to his or her clothes.

One may wear jewels but not heavy necklaces or glittering brooches or
other flashing stones.  If the affair is a formal one the hair may be as
elaborately marcelled as for the evening.  In this case the gown should
be a rich creation of the kind suitable only for such events.

If the tea is given for a debutante it may be a very festive occasion and
/decollete/ gowns may be worn.  Dark colors are rarely worn and the
debutante herself should be a fairy dream in a lovely creation of silk,
georgette, crepe-de-thane, or something else equally girlish and
appropriate.

Elderly women wear black lace or satin though certain shades of brown and
blue and nearly all shades of gray are irreproachably good taste if--and
this "if" is an important one--they are becoming.

 THE GARDEN PARTY

Charming indeed is the simple entertainment of the garden party. It is an
undebatable fact that informal entertainments are always more enjoyable
than those that are strictly formal, and the easy harmony of the garden
party is certainly informal to an acceptable degree.

Someone once said of the lawn fete (which is merely another name for a
garden party) that "a green lawn, a few trees, a fine day and something
to eat" constitute a perfect garden party.  To this we add, that the
guests must be carefully selected and the grounds must be attractive.

The garden party must be held in the open air; refreshments are served
outside and the guests remain outside until they are ready to depart.  At
Newport, where garden parties are quite the vogue, the invitations are
sent weeks in advance, and, if the weather is bad, the party is held
indoors.  But ordinarily it must be held entirely on the grounds.  A
large porch is a great advantage, for if there is a sudden downpour of
rain, the guests may repair to its shelter.

There are many opportunities for the hostess to show consideration and
hospitality at the garden party.  Easy chairs arranged in groups or
couples under spreading trees always make for comfort.  Some hostesses
have a tent provided on the lawn for the purpose of serving the
refreshments--a custom which earns the approbation of fastidious guests
who search the food for imaginary specks of dust when it is served in the
open.

 RECEIVING THE GUESTS

Invitations to garden parties may be sent ten days to two weeks in
advance, and a prompt reply of acceptance or regret is expected.  The
hostess receives on the lawn--never in the house. The guests, however,
drive up to the door of the house, are directed upstairs to deposit their
wraps (if they wish they may keep them with them), and then are shown to
the part of the grounds where the hostess is receiving.  A servant should
be in attendance to see that each guest is properly directed, unless the
grounds where the hostess is receiving are visible from the house.

After being greeted by the hostess, guests may wander about the grounds,
stopping to chat with different groups, and seeking the refreshment table
when they are weary.  The hostess must be sure that her lawns are
faultlessly mowed, and that the tennis courts are in order.  Lawn tennis
has had a large share in the making of the garden party's popularity, and
the wise hostess will always be sure that her courts are in readiness for
those who enjoy the game.

Cold refreshments are usually served at the garden party. Salads, ham and
tongue sandwiches, fruits, jellies, ices, cakes, candies and punch are in
order.  Particular care must be taken in serving the refreshments to
avoid any accidents or mussiness. There is nothing more disturbing to
both hostess and guest than to have a glass of punch or a dish of
strawberries overturned on a lawn, and pains should be taken to avoid
accidents of this kind.

 ON THE LAWN

Music is a pleasing feature at the garden party.  A pretty custom, now
enjoying vogue among the most fashionable, is to have the orchestra
hidden by a clump of trees or shrubbery, but near enough to be heard
distinctly.  In the outdoors music is never too loud to interfere with
conversation, and it is always a source of keen enjoyment to the guests.
Also, it adds a solemn charm to the natural beauties of the occasion.

In planning a garden party, it is best to hire all the glass, silver and
china from the caterer, as there is always considerable breakage no
matter how careful the servants may be. If the hostess does use her own
china and glassware, she must never use her best unless she is willing to
take the risk of having it broken.  Undoubtedly, the garden party is
troublesome, but it offers possibilities of tremendous enjoyment and
amusement, and when properly arranged is always a success.

The correct time for a garden party is between three and six in the
afternoon.  Sometimes it lasts until seven if the day is long and the
guests are congenial.  It rarely lasts into the evening, however, unless
it is in celebration of some special event.  Sometimes evening lawn
receptions are held, and they are remarkably pretty.  An appropriate time
to hold an evening garden party is in celebration of a summer wedding
anniversary. The grounds are brilliantly lighted with many-hued Japanese
lanterns or tiny colored electric lights twining in and out among the
trees.  Benches and chairs are set in groups or pairs underneath the
trees.  Music is usually or the porch instead of on the grounds.  The
house is open, and the younger guests may dance if they wish.  Supper is
served either outdoors or indoors as convenient.  Altogether the garden
party, whether held in the afternoon or evening, is a picturesque,
charming and delightful affair and deserves the wide popularity it is
enjoying both in America and England.

 DRESS FOR GARDEN PARTIES AND LAWN FESTIVALS

Summer frocks, in their airy flimsiness and gay colors are ideally fitted
for the colorful background of a garden or lawn party.  And the lady's
escort, in his white trousers and dark sack coat adds still further a
note of festivity.

For the garden party, the woman wears her prettiest light-colored frock
and flower-trimmed hat.  Gay parasols may be carried if they match, or
harmonize with, the rest of the costume.  Light shoes are more attractive
than dark ones with light frocks.

A garden party night be compared with a drama, the costumes of the guests
deciding whether or not it would be termed pure romance or light comedy.
Here, amidst summer flowers, woman's natural beauty is heightened, and
the wrong color schemes in dress, the wrong costumes for the setting, jar
as badly as a streak of black paint across the hazy canvas of a landscape
painting by an impressionist.

 WOMAN'S GARDEN COSTUME

Organdie seems to be the material best suited for the garden-party
frock.  For the younger person there could be no prettier frock for
garden or lawn party, or indeed for any outdoor afternoon occasion.

For the older woman, a dress of dotted Swiss, pierette crepe, or French
lawn is becoming.  The color should be light and attractive, but the
style may be as simple as one pleases. Lilac is a pretty color for the
older woman, and sunset yellow is becoming both to age and youth alike,
when it is appropriately combined with some more somber shade.

There are several color combinations that are very beautiful in lawn and
garden settings.  We will mention them here, as they might be valuable in
selecting frocks for such occasions as mentioned.  Violet and orange,
both pale and not vivid, offer a delicate harmony of color that is
nothing short of exquisite. Old rose and Nile green are equally
effective.  Orchid, for the person whose complexion can bear it, may be
combined with such vivid colors as red, green and blue, presenting a
contrast so strong and clear and beautiful that it reminds one of a
glorious sunset.  Black satin, for the elderly person, is quite festive
enough for the garden party when it is combined with a pretty shade of
henna or old blue or some other bit of color.

Styles may be simple, but colors must always be gay and rich as the
colors from Nature's own palette.  And the hat that is broad-brimmed and
massed with bright flowers, is a fitting complement for such a costume.

 THE MAN AT THE GARDEN PARTY

Of course the decorative art of dress has for a long time been entrusted
wholly into the hands of woman, but man may be just as attractive on
festive occasions, if he follows the rules of correct dress.  For him
there is less color to be considered, but just as much effect.

The younger man is well-dressed for the garden party when he wears a suit
of white flannel or serge with colored or white linen, a bright tie,
straw or panama hat, and oxfords of white or black, or a combination of
white and black.  Loose jackets of black and white striped flannel may
also be worn with white duck trousers, if one is young.  Then there are
the attractive light suits of gray twillett that are so effective when
worn with a white waistcoat and bright tie.

For the older man, a jacket of black and white homespun is extremely
appropriate.  It is smart when worn with a waistcoat of white flannel,
white shirt and collar and gayly figured tie of silk foulard.  Trousers
of white flannel would complete this excellent costume for the elderly
man, and with a panama hat that boasts a black band, and black-and-white
oxfords he is ready for the most exclusive garden or lawn party.

 HOUSE PARTIES

No one should attempt a house party whose home is not comfortably large
enough and who is not able to provide every convenience for the guests.
One need not necessarily be a millionaire to hold a successful house
party, but it is certainly necessary to have a spacious home and
sufficient means to make things pleasant for the guests every minute of
the time that they are in the house.

While the success of a house party rests directly on the host and
hostess, it also depends largely upon the guests themselves. They are
expected to contribute to the entertainment.  They may be good
conversationalists, or witty humorists, or clever in arranging surprises.
A man or woman who is jolly, eager to please is always invited to house
parties and welcomed by both hostess and guests with equal pleasure and
cordiality.

 SENDING THE INVITATION

The invitations to house parties are important.  While it is
complimentary for a guest to be invited to "spend a few days with me next
week" he or she will undoubtedly be ill at east during the visit and
fearful of encroaching upon the hospitality of the hostess.  It is always
more considerate and better form to state the definite duration of the
visit, for instance, mentioning that a train leaves the guest's town at
eleven-thirty on a certain day, and that another train leaves for that
same guest's town, at a certain hour on the day he is to leave.  Thus
gives the guest clearly, and without discourtesy, the precise time he is
expected to remain at the home of the hostess, and he may remain the full
time without any vague pre monitions of undesired presence.  If the
hostess did not state the time of arrival and departure the guest should
in her acceptance give suggestive dates leaving them subject to change at
the discretion of the hostess.  Any other plan is embarrassing to both
hostess and guest since neither can make plans for the future until she
finds out what the other intends to do.

The usual duration of house party visits are three days--often they last
for a week end--although some continue a week or even longer.  The lady
of the house usually writes a note in the name of her husband and herself
both, inviting Mr. and Mrs. Blank to her house for three days or three
months as she (the hostess) pleases.  A clear explanation as to how to
reach the house is given, and also the necessary information regarding
trains and schedules.

These invitations must be answered promptly and if for any reason the
invited one cannot attend, the reason should be given.  If there is any
doubt as to how to get to the house of the hostess; questions may be
asked in the answer to the invitation, and the hostess must answer them
at once.

 WHEN THE GUESTS ARRIVE

If the hostess cannot be present to receive her guests, the duty devolves
upon the daughter of the house or an intimate friend. As soon as a guest
arrives he is shown to his room for after the long railroad trip one is
usually dusty, tired and not in the mood for conversation or
pleasantries.  A bath, a nap, and a cup of coffee or tea, or, if the
weather is warm, an iced drink are most welcome.

The taxi fare from the station may be paid by either hostess or guest.
The former may consider that the other is her guest from the moment she
arrives and the latter may include this item in her traveling expenses.
Generally speaking, the hostess bears all of the expenses of the guest
while she is in her home but special services such as laundry work,
pressing, etc., may be paid for by the guest herself.

It is bad form to invite numerous friends and then to crowd them two in a
room to make a place for all.  Of course a mother and daughter may be
asked to share the same room if individual beds are provided; but two
women, meeting at the house party for the first time, cannot be expected
graciously to accept and enjoy sharing the same bed and room together.

The furnishing of the guest chamber may be modest, but it must always be
neat and comfortable.  To make the visit a pleasant one, the room that
the guest will occupy during his stay must be one that invites
memory--one that by its very cheerfulness and comfort remains fondly in
one's memory.  The personal tastes of the guests themselves should be
ascertained in assigning rooms to them; some may like a sunny room,
others may not be able to endure it; and the considerate hostess will so
arrange that each one of her guests is pleased.

There are numerous little services that the hostess must make sure are
provided for her visiting guests.  Scissors, thread and needles should be
in one of the dressing-table drawers; stationery, pens, ink, and a
calendar should be in the writing-desk.  Books, chosen especially for
the occupant, should be scattered about.  The thoughtful hostess will
make a round of the rooms before the arrival of the guests and make sure
that every detail is attended to.  Fresh flowers should be placed in the
vases.

It is the duty of the guest to see that her room is kept in order.  If
there is no maid she should attend to it herself and in any case she
should keep her own things in place and watch carefully to see that the
room is at all times exquisitely neat.

 ENTERTAINING AT THE HOUSE PARTY

At eight o'clock, or a little later if it is more convenient, all the
guests meet in evening dress at dinner.  It is then that the necessary
introductions are made and the guest of honor, if there is one, is
presented.  Plans may be made for the next day or two, the hostess
offering suggestions and deferring to the wishes of her guests when they
have attractive plans to submit. The hostess also informs the guests at
what time breakfast and luncheon is served.  It is not obligatory for
every guest to be present at luncheon, but it is strictly so at dinner.

The considerate hostess, while endeavoring to fill every moment of her
guests' stay with her, with pleasure and happiness, does not overdo it to
the extent that they will have no time for writing their correspondence,
reading a bit, or taking their customary nap.  Unfortunately many of our
hostesses who entertain lavishly at house parties and spare no expense or
effort in making the party a brilliant success, spoil it all by trying to
crowd too much entertainment into the day, forgetting that their guests
need a little time to themselves.

In planning entertainments for the morning, the hostess must remember
that breakfast will be preferred late, and that the women guests,
especially, may prefer to forego breakfast entirely and keep to their
rooms until just before luncheon. Thus it is always best to start any
entertainment in the afternoon.  Long drives through the country, tennis,
hockey, golf, card parties--all these are appropriate for the afternoon.

The evening is usually devoted to some special entertainment prepared
sufficiently in advance to render it an important occurrence.  A dance
after dinner, a fancy dress ball, or private theatricals are suitable;
and often long moonlight drives, ending with a jolly little picnic, are
planned with great success.

 HOSTESS AND GUESTS AT THE HOUSE PARTY

The first duty of the hostess is personally to meet or have her husband
meet the guests as they arrive at the railroad station. It is better form
to have him meet them while she remains at home to receive them.

There are several important rules that the guest must observe. In the
first place, he must not fail to arrive and depart at the exact time
signified in the invitation.  If a train is missed, the correct thing to
do is wire immediately so that the host and hostess will not be awaiting
the arrival in vain.  Another important rule for the guest is rigidly to
follow and adhere to the laws and the customs of the house: thus if
smoking is not allowed in the bedrooms, the gentlemen must be sure to
refrain from so doing and each guest should adapt his hours to those of
the host and hostess.

One of the most difficult of guests to entertain is one who is peculiar
about his eating.  It is an awkward situation and the guest if he can
should eat what is set before him.  If this is impossible he may speak
quietly with his hostess, explain the situation and make special
arrangements for food that he can eat.  This is excusable if he is on a
diet prescribed by a physician but not if he is simply expressing a
fastidious preference.  So many people are vegetarians nowadays that the
hostess will make provision for them and she should in planning her menus
consult the individual tastes of the guests who are under her roof.

Perhaps a guest is unwisely invited to a house-party where someone he or
she particularly dislikes is also a guest.  In this case it is a mark of
extreme discourtesy to complain to the host or hostess, or in any way to
show disrespect or dislike towards the other guest.  To purposely ignore
him or her, obviously to show one's prejudice, is very rude.  It is most
disconcerting to the host for either of them to show discontent or to
leave the house party because of the unwelcome presence of the other. It
is best for them to be formally courteous to each other and not in any
way to interfere with the enjoyment of the other members of the house
party or of the host and hostess who are responsible for it.

To return to the hostess, she has two very important duties--not to
neglect her guests, but to provide them with ample amusement and
entertainment, and again, not to weary them by too much attention.  She
may go out during the day if she pleases, either to visit friends or to
do shopping, but she must always be at home for dinner.  And she must not
go out so often that the guests will begin to feel slighted.

The good-natured and hospitable host and hostess will put at the disposal
of their guests their entire house and grounds, including their books,
horses, cars, tennis courts and golf links.  The duty of the guest is to
avail himself of these privileges with delicacy, neither abusing them nor
hesitating to use them at all.  There are some guests who have a tact of
perception, an ease and poise of manner, a savoir faire and calm, kind
disposition that makes them welcome everywhere.  They are never petty,
never disagreeable, never quarrelsome, never grouchy.  It is a pleasure
to include them in the house party--and they are invariably included.

 "TIPPING" THE SERVANTS

The question of feeing or "tipping" the servants has always been a
puzzling one.  It may be of advantage here to give an approximate idea of
what the fees should be and to whom they should be given.  Attending
circumstances, of course, always govern the exact conditions.  Very often
guests, both men and women, unable to estimate correctly what amount is
befitting the servants' services, tip lavishly and without any regard for
services.  This borders on the ostentatious, and hence, may be considered
vulgar.

Here are the recognized tips expected of a single woman: for the maid who
keeps her room in order, one dollar or a dollar and a half.  (These
figures are based on a period of a week's stay). If this maid has also
helped the guest in her dressing, and preparing the bath for her, two or
two and a half dollars are the customary fee.  A tip of from one to two
dollars must be given to the maid who waits on the guest at the table,
and if a chauffeur takes her from and to the station, a dollar is his
usual fee.

A bachelor is expected to be somewhat more generous with his tips.  The
boy who cleans and polishes his boots and shoes receives a fee of fifty
or seventy-five cents.

When a married couple is visiting, they usually divide the tips between
them.  The wife gives the maid a dollar or a dollar and a half, and the
husband tips the men servants.  The butler should receive two dollars at
least, and if he has rendered many special services both to the man and
his wife, he should undoubtedly receive two or three dollars more.  On
some occasions the cook is remembered, and the gentleman sends her a
dollar or two in recognition of her culinary art.  It must be remembered,
however, that there are no established rules of tipping, and no precedent
to go by.  One must be guided by the extent of his income and by the
services rendered.

One more word in closing this chapter.  Not everyone can afford to give
elaborate house parties.  But this need not interfere with one's
hospitality.  The host or hostess who is discouraged from offering
friends simple entertainment because of someone's else magnificent
parties, should cease being discouraged and take pride and pleasure in
the knowledge that they are entertaining their friends as hospitably as
they can.  To do a thing simply and sincerely is infinitely finer than to
do a thing extravagantly merely for the sake of ostentation and display.

In homes where there are no servants the guests should take part in the
work around the house unless the hostess shows distinctly that she
prefers for them not to do it.  After the visit the guest may send some
little gift in appreciation of the hospitality enjoyed.  A bit of
household linen, a book, flowers, or candy are most appropriate.  This is
one case where an unsuitable gift is inexcusable for ample opportunity
has been given the donor to study the needs and desires of the hostess.

Within ten days after her departure the guest should write a
bread-and-butter letter to her hostess.  This is simply a grateful
expression of appreciation for the hospitality which she enjoyed during
her visit.  Great care should be taken to avoid stilted forms.



 CHAPTER V

 WHEN THE BACHELOR ENTERTAINS

 WHEN THE BACHELOR IS HOST

Until very recently, the bachelor was rarely a host, was rarely expected
to entertain.  In fact, some people considered it unconventional to
attend a bachelor entertainment.  But with the tremendous increase of
bachelor apartments and bachelor hotels and even bachelor clubs, it is
now quite the usual custom for him to entertain friends at dinner
parties, theater parties, teas and in almost any other way which strikes
his fancy.

However, no bachelor should invite guests to his home unless he has a
full retinue of servants to care for their wants.  There should be no
confusion, no awkwardness.  If he is a professional man--an artist,
author or musician--he may entertain guests at his studio without
servants, except perhaps one to attend to the buffet supper which is most
usual at such functions.  But that is the only exception; a large
entertainment in a bachelor's establishment requires as careful
preparation as a fashionable social function in a well-regulated
household.

When an unmarried man gives house parties, dinners or entertainments of
any kind whatever, he always asks a married woman of his acquaintance to
act as chaperon.  She should be the first person invited, and the usual
method of invitation is a personal call at her home.

 WELCOMING THE GUESTS

The host receives his guests at the door, welcoming each one with
outstretched hand, and introducing immediately to the chaperon or
chaperons those guests whom they do not already know.  When the reception
is a particularly large one, a man servant usually awaits the guests at
the door and the host receives in the drawing-room.

The question has arisen on various occasions, whether or not the bachelor
is expected to provide dressing-rooms for his guests. If as many as
thirty or forty are expected the bed-rooms may be made to serve the
purpose of dressing-rooms for the evening.  The matter is one entirely
dependent upon circumstances and convenience when the entertainment is
held in the home of the bachelor himself; but when a large entertainment
is given in a hall, dressing-rooms are of course essential.

Very often, when the reception is held in the bachelor's own apartments,
where there is only one servant, the chaperon is asked to pour the tea
while the host himself serves it.  This is a very pretty custom; it
certainly lends dignity and impressiveness to the bachelor entertainment
to see a charming, matron at the head of the table.  And having the
bachelor himself serve the refreshments, a certain companionship and
friendliness is created among the guests.

 THE BACHELOR's DINNER

Although he is not expected to retaliate in the matter of invitations to
dinners and luncheons, the bachelor often gives dinner parties.  For the
host is no less eager to entertain than the hostess, and many unmarried
men find keen pleasure in gathering their friends about them for a
pleasant evening.

In detail, the bachelor's dinner, formal or informal, is very much like
the ordinary dinner.  The same holds true of the luncheon or supper
party.  The menu may be identical, if he pleases; but often an elaborate
Chinese, French or Italian menu is decided upon as a novelty.

If the guests are all gentlemen, one butler may attend to all their
wants, including the serving of the courses.  But if there are ladies in
the party, the chaperon must be present, and perhaps one or two
white-capped maids to serve the dinner.

If the dinner is given in honor of a lady, her seat is always at the
right of the host at the table.  If there is no guest of honor, this
place is filled by the matron who is serving as chaperon.

It is she who makes the first move to leave the dining-room.

The host must extend cordial thanks to the chaperon when she is ready to
depart.  It is usually upon her good judgment and influence that the
success of the dinner depends, and surely the host owes her a debt of
gratitude if everything has run smoothly and pleasantly.  He also bids
his guests a cordial adieu and graciously accepts their thanks for a
pleasant evening.

Music is often provided for the entertainment of the guests after a
dinner-party.  It is not unusual for the host to obtain the services of
well-known professional singers and players for the evening.

 TEA AT A BACHELOR APARTMENT

The bachelor who feels that he must be hospitable to his friends and
entertain them at his home, may safely choose the afternoon tea without
apprehension as it is the simplest of entertainments.  Of course a
chaperon is necessary, as she is at all his entertainments; but there is
less restraint and less formality at a tea than at almost any other
social function.

Invitations should be issued a week or ten days before the day set for
the tea.  Guests may include both sexes; but if there are only gentlemen,
they may be invited verbally.  The tea is served in the dining-room, or
if he wishes, the host may have small tea tables laid out in the
drawing-room.  A silver tea service is always attractive and pleasing,
and the host may pour the beverage if the guests are all gentlemen.  If
ladies are present, either the chaperon may pour, or a servant.
Refreshments should consist of delicate sandwiches, assorted cakes and
wafers, salted almonds, confections and tea.  If there are some among the
guests who do not drink tea, chocolate may be served.

As they depart the bachelor host accompanies each one of his guests to
the door bidding him or her a cordial goodby.  The chaperon must be
especially thanked for her service and shown particular deference.
Indeed, her host should accompany her after the reception, to her own
door if she is without car or escort.

 THE BACHELOR DANCE

Wealthy bachelors find pleasure and diversion in giving huge balls and
dances.  Dinner or a midnight supper may be a delightful adjunct to the
dance.  A fashionable ball of this kind is sometimes given for the
important purpose of introducing a young sister or another relative to
society.

The ball is rarely, if ever, held in the bachelor's own apartments.  He
hires a hall for the occasion, and arranges with several of his married
friends to act as chaperons.  They also receive with him and help him
introduce the guests.  As these arrive, they divest themselves of their
wraps, in the dressing-rooms provided for the purpose, and then are
received in the ballroom by the host and the chaperons.  Introductions
are made, and the music and dancing begins.

There are not very many bachelors who can entertain in this lavish
fashion; but the simpler entertainments, if they have the correct spirit
of cordial hospitality, go a long way in establishing the desired
relationship between the host and his friends.  After all, it is the
little things that count; and little courtesies may fittingly repay
elaborate ceremonials and fashionable functions, if they are offered in
sincere friendliness and warmth.

 THEATER PARTIES

Always a favorite with the bachelor, the theater party has recently
become his main forte.  First in importance, of course, is the selection
of a play, a matter which is largely determined by the kinds of visitors
the host intends to invite.  There is nothing more disturbing than to
invite one's friends to a play, and then to feel that they have not
enjoyed it.  In selecting something light and amusing, or else the
performance of some celebrated star, the host is comparatively sure of
pleasing most of his guests.

Another important point is to bring together only congenial people for
the theater party.  One person out of harmony with the rest will spoil
the whole evening as certainly as a sudden summer shower spoils the most
elaborately planned garden party. It is important to select only those
people whose tastes and temperaments blend.

Invitations are informal.  A brief, cordial note handwritten on personal
stationery is preferred, although some men like to use their club
stationery.  The name of the play may be mentioned in the invitation.  An
immediate response is expected, as the host must be given sufficient time
to choose another guest, if for some reason, the one invited cannot
attend.  Men and women may be invited to the theater party, and if there
are married couples in the party, a chaperon is not particularly
necessary.

 YACHTING PARTIES

When a bachelor invites several men and women friends to dine on his
yacht, or to take a short cruise, it is absolutely bad form to omit the
chaperon.  She must be a married woman, and she may join the party with
or without her husband.  Another important point regarding yachting
parties; the host must supply a gig or rowboat to carry his guests to and
from the shore, and he must stand on the gangway to greet each one as he
arrives, and assist him to the deck of the yacht.

In giving entertainments, the bachelor must remember at no special social
obligations are expected of him.  He need not be lavish in his dinners
and parties, unless he wishes to and can afford it. Simple
entertainments, given the spirit of good fellowship and hospitality, are
always appreciated and tend to substantially strengthen friendships.



 CHAPTER VI

 MUSICALES AND PRIVATE THEATRICALS

 PREPARATIONS FOR THE MUSICALE

The only time that music is not subordinated to other purposes of the
evening's gathering, is at the musicale.  Here it is the sole
entertainment of the evening, and it reigns supreme.

In preparing for a musicale, invitations should be engraved and issued at
least ten days in advance of the time chosen for the occasion.  In
inviting her guests, the hostess must be sure that she includes only
those among her friends and acquaintances who understand and appreciate
good music, and who enjoy it for itself alone.  It is not wise to include
people who are not fond of music (if there really are any such people!)
for they are likely to be bored, and instead of listening quietly to the
selections, talk and fidget and so disturb the other guests who are
anxious to give their undivided attention to the musicians.

The invitations to a musicale require prompt answers.  The third person
should be used in both invitations and answers, as the occasion is
strictly a formal one.

The drawing-room, in which the musicale is ordinarily held, should be
bare of all unnecessary furniture save the piano, chairs for the
performers, and seats for the guests.  Programs may be printed
sufficiently in advance to distribute at the musicale; they always serve
as appropriate mementos.

 THE AFTERNOON MUSICALE

The usual time for the afternoon musicale is from four to six. It is
considerably less formal than a similar affair in the evening, although
still requiring strictly formal third-person etiquette in invitations and
replies.

It is usual, in issuing invitations for musicales, whether held in
afternoon or evening, to have the word "Music" engraved in the lower
left-hand corner.  If a famous musician is to play his name may appear on
the invitation.

The musical selections include various numbers to suit the tastes of the
hostess, and those of her guests if she happens to know what they are.
Sometimes there are vocal selections in addition to the instrumental
selections.  All professional singers and players are paid for their
services, unless they themselves offer them free.  It is very bad form
indeed, to invite a singer or player as a guest, and then expect him to
give his services.  And yet it is done so often, by hostesses who think
that they are following the dictates of etiquette to the highest letter
of its law!  If the performers are friends of the hostess she should
present each one with a gift of some sort as an expression of her
gratitude for their services.

The lighter music should always be played first, retaining the important
numbers for the end.  Many hostesses, when they have a famous
professional for the afternoon's entertainment, start the musicale with
singing or playing by unimportant persons, and end it with the
performance of the celebrated professional.  It is always pleasing to the
guests--and also the professional himself.

The hostess, in receiving her guests, stands in the drawing-room and
greets each one as he or she arrives.  When the music begins, she seats
herself near the door, and whenever a tardy guest arrives, sees that he
is comfortably seated.  Incidentally, it is bad form to come late to a
musicale; it is disturbing to the performers and guests alike.

Guests do not remain long after the afternoon musicale.  The chairs are
removed from the drawing-room and ices, punch, little cakes and bonbons
are served.  As the guests leave, it is customary for them to thank the
hostess for her entertainment.

 THE EVENING MUSICALE

Similar in general aspect is the evening musicale and yet there are
several details that are strikingly different.

It may be held any time in the evening.  Again the hostess receives in
the drawing-room, and again the selections may be either vocal or
instrumental.  But the general appearance of the entire affair is more
ceremonious, more formal.  And after the musicale, instead of simple
refreshments, an elaborate supper is usually given.

This supper may consist of jellied bouillon, roast meats, salads, ices,
confections, punches and coffee.  If an important singer or player
contributes to the share of the evening's entertainment he is invited to
join the guests.  After supper the guests converse for a half hour or so,
and depart.

 CARD PARTIES AT THE MUSICALE

Very often, instead of giving a dinner, a hostess will arrange several
small tables at which four guests can be comfortably seated.  She will
serve light refreshments, such as dainty sandwiches, salads, muffins,
bouillon and perhaps ices or coffee.  After the light repast, the tables
will be cleared and cards brought out.

If the hostess decides to have cards, after the musicale, she must
mention it in the invitation.  The guests may attend only the musicale,
if they wish, and leave when the other guests begin the card game.  But
if the musicale is held in the evening, and supper is served, the guest
who remains must also remain for the card games as a matter of courtesy
and politeness.  If he does not wish to play he may watch the others and
join in the conversation during the intervals between games.

 DUTIES OF GUESTS AT MUSICALES

The one important rule of conduct at the musicale is to maintain absolute
silence during the selections.  It is an unforgivable breach of etiquette
to speak, fidget or otherwise disturb the guests while the numbers are
being performed.  Encores are permissible, but loud applause is
undeniably vulgar.  Silence, interest and attention characterize the
ideal guest at the private concert.

Another duty of the guest is to be prompt.  It is very disagreeable to
the performers, and to the hostess, to have guests arrive late and
disturb everyone.  However, if one is unavoidably late, to offer profuse
apologies, while the musicians are performing, is to make matters worse
by prolonging the disturbance.  Instead the guest should nod, take his or
her seat, and after the musicale, seek out the hostess and offer
apologies for not having been on time.

In taking leave of the hostess, cordial thanks for her entertainment are
in order.  Remarks about the playing of the guests are not very good
form, especially if they are in adverse criticism.  A word of sincere
praise, however, is never amiss.

 DRESS AT THE MUSICALE

Dress at the musicale is essentially what it would be if the occasion
were an elaborate reception, and if it is given in the evening formal
evening dress is worn.  In the summer this convention may be set aside in
favor of comfort.

 ARRANGING PRIVATE THEATRICALS

Everyone enjoys private theatricals, amateur and otherwise--the hostess,
the guests, and the actors and actresses themselves. It is an ideal means
of entertainment.

In arranging a private theatrical, which is almost invariably an amateur
venture, the first important thing to do is to find a play which is
adapted to that talent which is available.  It is wise to appoint a
committee to read numerous plays and select for final consideration those
that seem best fitted to the type of actors and actresses available.  If
one of the young men is naturally witty and bubbling over with hilarity
and good fun, he must not be given a part that necessitates grave and
solemn behavior.  If he, and the other actors, are given parts not suited
to them, the play is doomed to failure before it is even staged.

Unless the performers have had some experience in theatricals it is best
to choose a comedy--for even a Greek tragedy in all its poignant
simplicity may become a farce in the hands of unskillful actors.

Rehearsals are of vital importance.  The members of the cast must
rehearse and rehearse and rehearse again until they know their parts
perfectly.  They must be punctual and regular in their attendance of the
rehearsals; continually to miss them is to spoil the play and a lack of
preparation on the part of one actor is unfair to the others, for
ultimate success depends on each one of the players.

The performance is usually given in the drawing-room of the host who
issues the invitations, which, by the way, must be sent out two or three
weeks in advance.  The host must arrange for stage, lighting effects,
seating facilities and all the other incidental details.

 THE PLAYERS

In assigning parts care must be taken, as was pointed out above, in
selecting that character which is most in accord with the player's own
character.  This is so important that it cannot be overemphasized.  And
when finally the correct part is chosen for him, he must learn his lines
so thoroughly that he will be able, figuratively, to "say them in his
sleep."

Costumes for the play may be obtained from any theatrical supply house.
They must be of the style prevalent at the date of the play; Colonial
clothes in a Mid-Victorian setting foredoom the play to failure.  A
curtain may also be hired from a theatrical supply house, but it is very
simple to adjust one made at home by means of brass rings such as are
used in hanging portieres. There should be a separation in the center so
that the curtain may be drawn back from both sides.

Footlights may consist of a row of small electric lights, or a row of
reflector lamps will impart the desired effect to the improvised stage.
For wings, large Japanese screens will do or they, too, may be hired from
the people who supply the costumes.

To give the effect of lightning, a magnesia torch is most effective.
Thunder is simulated by beating slowly on a bass drum.  Hoof beats seem
quite real when produced by beating two cocoanut shells on marble.

The danger of stage fright can be lessened and almost obliterated after a
sufficient number of rehearsals, and with that poise and self-confidence
that comes with true culture, one should be able to stand before the
largest audience without embarrassment or nervousness.  It is one of the
rewards of correct training.

 THE GUESTS

As in the musicale, silence is essential.  There is nothing more
disconcerting to actors than to notice whispering, giggling or lack of
interest in the audience.  Whether the play is worthy of interest or not,
courtesy towards guests and performers demands the appearance of
interest.

Guests must answer invitations promptly.  In fact, in almost every
detail, attending a theatrical given in the home of a friend requires the
same etiquette as is observed at a fashionable evening musicale.  In
departing, the hostess must be cordially thanked for the pleasant
evening, and if the actors are friends of the assemblage and join the
guests after the play, they, too, must be thanked for their share of the
entertainment.

 HOST AND HOSTESS

The host and hostess usually receive together at private theatricals.
They stand together at the door of the drawing-room, welcome each guest
and make the necessary introductions. When the curtain is drawn, they
take seats near the back and rise to greet any delinquent guest.

After the play a supper may be served.  If the actors are friends they
join in the supper.  But sometimes these private theatricals are not
amateurish, but given by professionals, in which case the etiquette is
somewhat different, and the performers may or may not be invited, as the
hostess chooses.

Engraved cards are issued, and in the lower left-hand corner appears the
name of the play and the leading actor (if he happens to be a celebrity).
The guests are expected to arrive at a definite hour, and lateness in
this case is inexcusable.  If the professional players do not offer their
services free, they must receive remuneration for them.



 CHAPTER VII

 DANCING

 DANCING AS A HEALTHFUL ART

Dancing is an art.  More than that, it is a healthful art.  In its
graceful movements, cadenced rhythms, and expressive charms are evident
the same beautiful emotions that are so eloquently expressed in music,
sculpture, painting.  And it is through these expressions of emotion,
through this silent poetry of the body that dancing becomes a healthful
art, for it imparts to the body--and mind--a poise and strength without
which no one can be quite happy.

It is because the vital importance of dancing on the Mind and body has
been universally recognized, that it has been added to the curriculum of
public schools in almost every country.  We find the youngsters revelling
in folk-dances, and entering dancing games with a spirit that gives vigor
to their bodies, balance and grace to their movements.

Consider, for a moment, the irresistible witchery of music, of rhythmic
cadences.  We hear the martial note of the drum, and unconsciously our
feet beat time.  We hear the first deep chords of the orchestra, and
involuntarily our fingers mark the time of the measure.  With the soft,
mellow harmony of triplet melodies we are transported to the solemn
vastness of a mountain beside a, gayly rippling stream.  With the deep,
sonorous bursts of triumphant melody, we are transported to the ocean's
edge, where the rumbling of the waves holds us in awed ecstasy.  Thoughts
of sorrow, of gladness, of joy, of hope surge through us and cry for
expression.  Dancing is nature's way of expressing these emotions.

Then let us dance, for in dancing we find poise and strength and balance.
Let us dance for in dancing we find joy, pleasure, hope.  It is the
language of the feelings, and nature meant it for the expression of those
feelings.

It is only when dancing is confined to hot, crowded rooms where the
atmosphere is unwholesome, that it loses its healthful influence on mind
and body.  But where there is plenty of room and fresh air, plenty of
good, soul-inspiring music--we say dance, young and old alike, dance for
the keen pleasure and joy of the dance itself, and for the health that
follows in its wake!

 DANCE-GIVING NO LONGER A LUXURY

The day of the strictly formal dance, entailing elaborate suppers,
pretentious decorations and large orchestras has passed.  In its place is
the simple, enjoyable, inexpensive dance which is at once the delight of
the guests and the pride of the hostess.

Simplicity is the keynote of the modern ball.  A piano and two stringed
instruments usually comprise the entire orchestra.  The charm of the home
is no longer spoiled by over-decoration; a vase or two containing the
flowers of the season offer the sole touch of festivity.  There are, of
course, numerous personal innovations that may be instituted; but as the
guests are assembled for dancing, space and a good floor and plenty of
fresh air are the primary and paramount requisites.

Light refreshments have taken the place of the large suppers of not so
long ago.  Hostesses no longer feel overburdened with a sense of
obligation.  The dance has become simple and inexpensive; and because it
is also so thoroughly enjoyable and healthful, it has become a favorite
sport, especially during the cooler months.

 THE DEBUT DANCE

Perhaps the most important dance of all is that given in honor of the
/debutante/.  No matter how large or formal a dance may be, it is never
called a "ball" in the invitation.  The latter is used only in case of a
large public dance or function.  The usual "at home" form of invitation
is used, and in the lower left-hand corner the word dancing is printed.
The name of the young debutante may be included if it is so desired,
although it is not essential.  But if it is an evening occasion, the name
of both host and hostess must appear on the invitation.

Whether the dance is held in her own home or in a hall hired for the
occasion, the hostess receives and welcomes each guest.  She may be
assisted by several of her friends who are well-known in society.  Her
daughter stands beside her and is introduced to those of her mother's
guests whom she has not already met.

The debutante has her first partner selected for her by her mother.  She
may not dance with one man more than once on the occasion of her
introduction to society.  But she is expected to dance every dance,
returning to receive guests during the intervals.  Sometimes the young
debutante has several of her chums receiving with her for the first half
hour.  She offers her hand to every guest who arrives, and introduces in
turn the friends who are assisting her.

The father of the debutante may receive with his wife, but his duty is
more to see that all the women have partners, and that the chaperons are
taken into supper.  He also sees that the gentlemen do their duty as
dancers instead of remaining in the dressing room to smoke and chat.  The
hostess does not dance at all, or if she does, it is usually late in the
evening.  She remains at her post at the door, welcoming guests and
seeing that all shy men get partners and all the young girls have a good
time.  One paramount duty of the hostess is so to arrange her invitations
that there will be very many more men than women; this eliminates the
chance of there being any unhappy wallflowers.  Another consideration is
to arrange the chairs in informal little groups instead of close to the
walls in a solemn and dreary line.

 COSTUME BALLS

The costume ball is conducted very much on the same order as the formal
ball.  The invitations are issued two or three weeks before the date set
for the dance, and as for the debut dance, the word ball does not appear
on it.  Instead the words "Costumes of the Twelfth Century" or
"Shakespearean Costumes" or whatever may be decided upon are printed in
the lower left-hand corner of usual "at home" cards.

In selecting a fancy costume, one must be careful to choose only what is
/individually/ becoming.  It must be in perfect harmony with one's
personality.  To assume a character that is in every way opposed to one's
own character is unwise and ungratifying.  A sedate, quiet young miss
should not choose a Folly Costume.  Nor should a jolly, vivacious young
lady elect to emulate Martha Washington, And furthermore, a character
must not be merely dressed--it must be lived.  The successful costume
ball must be realistic;

 SUBSCRIPTION DANCES

What is the purpose of the subscription dance?  The question is a common
one.  And the answer is simple.

A subscription dance is given for the same reason that any other dance is
given--to be surrounded by one's friends, to enjoy music and dancing, and
generally to have a "good time" It is conducted very much on the order of
the formal dance, except that it is semi-public and is usually held in a
public hall.  There is no host or hostess, of course; their place is held
by an appointed committee or by the patronesses of the dance.  They stand
at the door of the ballroom to welcome guests, and they may either offer
their hands or bow in greeting.  It is the duty of the patronesses to
introduce those of the guests who are not already acquainted.

Each subscriber to the dance has the privilege of inviting a certain
number of friends to the function.  Or, if the membership decide to give
several periodic dances, he is entitled to invite a certain number of
friends to each one of them.  The invitations are issued two weeks ahead
and require a prompt acceptance or regrets.

Sometimes elaborate suppers are served at the subscription dance, the
money for the expenses having been appropriated from the subscription
fees for the entertainment.  Or simple refreshments, such as dainty
sandwiches, salads, ices, cakes and punch, may be served at small, round
tables.

In departing, it is not considered necessary to take leave of the
patronesses.  However, if they are on duty at the door, a cordial word or
two of consideration for their efforts may be extended.

 THE BALLROOM

Everything in the ballroom should suggest gayety, light and beauty.  The
floor, of course, is the most important detail.  A polished hardwood
floor offers the most pleasing surface for dancing.  If the wood seems
sticky, paraffine wax adds a smoothness that actually tempts one to
dance.

Flowers are always pleasing.  Huge ferns may grace unexpected corners and
greens may add a festive note, if the hostess so desires.  But there must
not be an obvious attempt at decoration.

Rather nothing at all, than so very much that it borders on the
ostentatious.

In fact, the dance is tending more and more to become a simple and
unpretentious function.  The elaborate decorations and fashionable
conventions that attended the minuet and quadrille of several decades ago
have given way to a jolly informality which makes the dance so delightful
and popular a way of entertaining.

 MUSIC AT THE DANCE

The music, of course, is important;  A piano and one or two stringed
instruments are sufficient.  The musicians should be hidden behind a
cluster of palms, or placed in a balcony.

Ordinarily the selections are arranged previously by the hostess.  She
must also arrange for encores, and should make provision for special
selections which the guests may desire.

 DANCE PROGRAMS

The dance program is rarely used now except at college dances, or army
and navy dances.  It has lost prestige with the passing of the
old-fashioned ball.  But sometimes there are special occasions when the
hostess wishes to have programs, in which case they serve not only as
pretty and convenient adjuncts to the occasion, but as appropriate
mementos.

Gilt-edged cards attached with a silk cord and provided with a tiny
pencil are pretty when an attractive little sketch or a bit of verse
enlivens the front cover.  Each dance is entered on the program--and many
a delightful memory is kept alive by glancing at these names days after
the dance was held.  These programs may be filled beforehand or they may
be filled at the dance.


DINNER DANCES

At the dinner dance, the hostess issues two sets of invitations, one for
those whom she wishes to invite for dinner and dance both, and one for
those whom she wishes to invite to the dance only.  For the former the
ordinary dinner invitation may be issued, with the words "Dancing at
Nine" added in the left-hand corner.  For the latter, the ordinary "at
home" invitation with the same words "Dancing at Nine" added also in the
left-hand corner is correct form.

Often the hostess has a buffet supper instead of a dinner.  All the
guests partake of this refreshment.  On a long table, decorated with
flowers, are salads, sandwiches, ices, jellies and fruits which may be
partaken of throughout the entire evening.  Sometimes hot bouillon is
also served, and very often a midnight supper is given at which hot
courses are in order.

If a dance is scheduled to be held in the ballroom of a hotel, the guests
who are invited to dinner may be served in the dining-room of that
hotel.  The small tables are usually decorated with lamps and flowers for
the occasion, and the dinner may be ordered by the hostess several days
in advance.

 DRESSING ROOMS

Whether the dance be large or small, dressing rooms, or coat rooms, as
they are sometimes called, are essential for the convenience of the
guests.  There must be one for the gentlemen and one for the ladies, each
properly furnished.

It is usual to have a maid servant in attendance in the dressing room set
apart for the ladies.  She helps them relieve themselves of their wraps
when they arrive, and to don them again when they are ready to depart.  A
dressing-table, completely furnished with hand-mirror, powder, perfume
and a small lamp, should be provided.  A full-size mirror is always
appreciated.  Sometimes, when a great number of guests are expected, a
checking system is devised to simplify matters and aid the maid in
identifying the wraps.

The men's dressing room may be provided with a smoking table supplied
with all the necessary requisites for smoking, matches, ash-trays,
cigar-cutters, etc.  Here also a servant is usually on hand to offer the
gentleman his service wherever it is  needed.

 THE DANCE

There is a lesser formality, a greater gayety in the ballroom of to-day.
The dance-card and program are no longer enjoying unrivaled vogue as they
did when our grandmothers' danced the waltz and cotillon.  The pauses
between dances are shorter. Something of the old dignity is gone, but in
its place is a new romance that is perhaps more gratifying.  It is not a
romance of the Mid-Victorian period, or a romance that carries with it
the breath of mystery.  It is a strangely companionable and levelheaded
romance which pervades the ballroom and makes everyone, young and old,
man and woman, want to get out on the floor and dance to the tune of the
pretty melodies.

But the ballroom of good society, must retain its dignity even while it
indulges in the new "romance of the dance." It must observe certain
little rules of good conduct without which it loses all the grace and
charm which are the pride and inspiration of the dancing couples.  There
is, for instance, the etiquette of asking a lady to dance, and accepting
the invitation in a manner graciously befitting the well-bred young lady
of the twentieth century.

 WHEN THE LADY IS ASKED TO DANCE

Before asking anyone else to dance, the gentleman must request the first
dance of the lady he escorted to the ball, Then he takes care that she
has a partner for each dance, and that she is never left a wallflower
while he dances with some other lady.

At the conclusion of the dance, the gentleman thanks the lady for the
dance and goes off to find his nest partner.  The lady does not seek her
partner for the next dance, if she has promised it to anyone, but waits
until he comes to claim her.  A man should never leave a woman standing
alone on the floor.

 "CUTTING IN"

A modern system of "cutting in" seems to be enjoying a vogue among our
young people.  While a dance is in progress, a young man may "cut in" and
ask the lady to finish the dance with him. If the dance has not been very
long in progress, and the young lady wishes to continue it, she may nod
and say, "The next time we pass here" The dance continues around the
room, and when the couple reach the same place again, the lady leaves her
partner and finishes the dance with the young man who has "cut in."

Perhaps this custom of "cutting in" carries with it the merest suggestion
of discourtesy, but when we consider the informal gayety of the ballroom,
the keen and wholehearted love of dancing, we can understand why the
privilege is extended.  Like many another privilege, it becomes
distasteful when it is abused.

It is not good form for a couple to dance together so many times as to
make themselves conspicuous.

Men should not neglect their duty as dancers because they prefer to smoke
or simply to act as spectators.


DANCING POSITIONS

Dancing has been revolutionized since the day when the German waltz was
first introduced to polite society.  And it is safe to say that some of
our austere granddames would feel righteously indignant if they were
suddenly brought back to the ballroom and forced to witness some of the
modern dance innovations!

There seems to be an attempt, on the part of the younger generation
(although the older generation is not so very far behind!) to achieve
absolute freedom of movement, to go through the dance with a certain
unrestrained impulsiveness unknown to the minuet or graceful quadrille.
These newer dances and dancing interpretations are charming and
entertaining; and yet there is the possibility of their becoming vulgar
if proper dancing positions are not taken.  The position is especially
important in the latest dances.

In guiding a lady across the polished floor to the tune of a simple waltz
or a gay fox-trot, the gentleman encircles her waist half way with his
right arm, laying the palm of his hand lightly just above the waist line.
With his left hand, he holds her right at arm's length in the position
most comfortable for both of them, taking special care not to hold it in
an awkward or ungainly position.  His face is always turned slightly to
the left, while hers usually faces front or slightly to the right. The
girl should place her left arm on her partner's right arm. She must
follow him and not try to lead the dance herself.

When the dance requires certain swaying movements, as almost all modern
dances do, the lady inclines her body in harmony with that of her
partner, and if the proper care is taken to retain one's poise and
dignity, not even a most exacting chaperon can find fault with the new
steps.


WHEN THE GUEST DOES NOT DANCE

Always at a dance, formal or informal, there are guests who do not dance.
Usually they are men, for there is rarely a woman who does not know the
steps of the latest dances--that is, if she ever does accept invitations
at all.  But "the guest who does not dance" is one of the unfortunate
things the hostess has to put up with at every one of her dances.

And there is rarely ever an excuse for it.  Every man who mingles in
society at all, who enjoys the company of brilliant women and attractive
young ladies, who accepts the invitations of hostesses, is failing in his
duty when he offers as an excuse the fact that he doesn't know how to
dance  for there are sufficient schools of dancing in every city and town
where the latest steps can be learned quickly.

If for any reason, a gentleman does not know how to dance, and does not
want to learn, he may make up for it by entertaining the chaperons while
their charges are dancing--conversing with them, walking about with them
and escorting them to the refreshment table, and altogether show by his
kind attentiveness that he realizes his deficiency and wishes to make up
for it.  To lounge in the dressing-room, smoking and chatting with other
gentlemen is both unfair to the hostess and essentially rude in the
matter of ballroom etiquette.  The true gentleman would rather decline an
invitation than be unfair to his hostess and her guests in this respect.

 PUBLIC DANCES

Very often public dances are given in honor of some special occasion or a
celebrated guest.  They are very much like private dances, except that a
specially appointed committee fulfills the position and duties of the
hostess.  At most public balls, the committee is composed of men and
women who wear badges to indicate their position, and who stand at the
door to receive and welcome each guest.  These men and women do not dance
the first dance, but wait until later in the evening when they are quite
sure that all the guests have arrived; and then they are always back at
their duty during the intervals between dances.

Guests arriving at a public dance greet the patronesses with a smile of
welcome and a word or two, but rarely offer their hands to be shaken
unless the ladies serving as patronesses take the initiative.  They may
stay for one or two dances, or throughout the whole evening, as they
prefer; and when departing, it is not necessary to seek out the
patronesses and bid them good-by.

Engraved invitations are usually issued three weeks before the date set
for the ball.  On these cards the names of the patronesses are also
engraved.  If the entrance to the ball is by purchased ticket, such as is
always the case when the ball is given for some charity, the invitations
must be preserved and shown at the entrance.

Sometimes a supper is included in the arrangement of the public ball, and
in such case a caterer is engaged to attend to all details, including
servants.  A buffet supper is always the most pleasing and satisfactory
as the guests may partake of the foods when they desire and there is no
confusion or interruption to the dance.  Hot bouillon, various meats,
salads, cakes, ices, fruits and confections are an ideal menu.  Coffee or
punch is sometimes added.

When a public ball is given in honor of some special person, that person
must be met on his arrival and immediately introduced to the women on the
reception committee and escorted to the seat reserved for him.  He must
be attended throughout the evening, introduced to everyone he does not
know, and all his wants carefully taken care of.  When he departs, he
must be escorted to his carriage, and if he is a celebrated personage
thanked for his presence--although truly cultured gentlemen prefer not to
have this honor paid them.

A public ball is either a tremendous success or a miserable failure.
There is no in-between.  And the success or failure rests solely on the
good judgment and influence of the ladies and gentlemen of the
committees, including, of course, those who receive.  To mingle freely
among the guests, to join in the conversation, to introduce guests to
each other and find partners for the "wallflowers" all these little
services tend to arouse a spirit of friendliness and harmony that cannot
but result in an evening that will be long remembered in the minds of
every guest.

 A PLEA FOR DANCING

Lately there has been a great deal of unfavorable criticism directed
against the modern dances.  There have been newspaper articles condemning
the "latest dance fads" as immoral and degrading.  There have been
speeches and lectures against "shaking and twisting of the body into
weird, outlandish contortions."  There have been vigorous crusades
against dance halls.  And all because a few ill-bred, fun-loving,
carefree young people wrongly interpreted the new dances in their own way
and gave to the steps the vulgar abandon appropriate only to the cheap
vaudeville stage or the low dance hall.

Dancing, even the shoulder-shaking, oscillating dancing of to-day, is
really not intended to be vulgar or immoral at all, despite the crusades
of the anti-immorality dancing committees! What is dancing, after all, if
not the expression of one's ideals and emotions?  It is only the man or
woman with a vulgar mind, with base ideals, who will give a vulgar
interpretation to a dance of any kind.  But the essentially fine girl,
the really well-bred man, the people who, by their poise and dignity have
earned for America the envied title of "Republic of the
Aristocrats"--they dance these latest creations for the sheer joy of the
dance itself, reveling in its newness, enjoying the novelty of its
"different" steps, seeing nothing in its slow undulations or brisk little
steps, but art--a "jazzy" art, to be sure, but still the beautiful art of
dancing.

And so we plead--let the younger generation enjoy its giddy waltzes and
brisk-paced fox-trots and fancy new dances just as grandmother, when she
was young, was allowed to enjoy the minuet and the slow waltz.  They are
different, yes, and rather hard to accept after the dignified dances of
not so long ago.  But they are picturesque, to say the least, and
artistic.  The gracefully-swaying bodies, keeping step in perfect
harmony to the tunes of the newer symphony orchestras, are delightful to
watch; and in good society, young men and women can always be trusted to
deport themselves with utter grace and poise.

The minuet was decidedly graceful.  The old German waltz with its dreamy,
haunting melody was beautiful as it was enjoyable. But they have been
relegated into the days of hoop skirts and powdered wigs.  To-day the
"jazzy" dances are in vogue, and society in its lowest and highest
circles is finding intense pleasure in the whirling, swirling dances
decreed by fashion as her favorites.  Why complain?  Perhaps in another
year or two, these giddy-paced dances will be "out of style" and in their
stead will be solemn, slow dances more graceful and stately than even the
minuet of yore.

 THE CHARM OF DRESS IN DANCING

Immediately after the Reign of Terror, France was plunged into a reckless
round of unrestrained gayety that can come only from love of life and
youth and laughter long pent-up.  It was as though an avalanche of joy
had been released; it was in reality the reaction from the terrors and
nightmares of those two years of horror.  The people were free, free to
do as they pleased without the fear of the guillotine ever present; and
all France went mad with rejoicing.

It was then that dancing came into its own.  Almost overnight huge dance
halls sprang up.  The homes of wealthy aristocrats who had been
sacrificed to the monster guillotine, were converted into places for
dancing.  Every available inch of space was utilized for the dance.  And
the more these freed people danced, the more their spirits soared with
the joy of life and living, until they found in the dance itself the
interpretation of freedom and all that it means.

A biographer who was an eye-witness of this madcap Paris, wrote in detail
about the dance and the dress of these people.  He told how they dressed
in the brightest clothes they could obtain, for maddened with happiness
as they were, they instinctively felt that bright clothes would enliven
their spirits.  And they did!

"The room was a mass of swirling, twirling figures," the biographer
writes, "men, women and children in weird, vivid clothes.  It seemed
natural that they should be dancing so wildly in their wild costumes; in
their sabots and aprons of two months ago they would not have been able
to take one step."

It is, then, the spirit of clothes that imparts to one the spirit of the
dance.  We have mentioned these facts about the Reign of Terror to show
what effect clothes do have on the spirit, and incidentally to show what
the ballroom owes to dress.  For it is undoubtedly the gayly-colored
dance frock of the miss of the twentieth century, and the strikingly
immaculate dance suit of her partner that gives to the ballroom to-day
much of its splendid brilliance.

 AT THE AFTERNOON DANCE

There can be no comparison between the mad dance of freed France and the
simple, graceful dance of to-day.  Yet we can see the effect of clothes
in relation to both.

It is not often that dances are held in the afternoon, but when the
occasion does arise, dress is just as gay and colorful as one can wear
without being gaudy.  The decorous effect of these bright-colored
costumes is what brings the "giddy kaleidoscopic whirl of colors and
costumes, modes and manners" that the historian speaks of when he
mentions the ballroom.

For the afternoon dance, we would suggest that the very young person
choose the fluffiest and most becoming style which fashion permits.  Trim
it gaily, but above all, make it youthful--for youth and dancing are
peculiarly allied.

The older woman will want a gown that is more suited to her years.  It
may be of taffeta, Canton crepe or crepe-de-chine; but satin is one of
the materials that is preferred for more formal occasions than the
afternoon dance.  The colors may be somber, to match one's tastes, but
the trimming should have a note of gayety.

D�ollet�is never worn at the afternoon dance.  Short sleeves may be
worn if Fashion favors them at the time, and the neck of the gown is also
cut on the lines that agree with the prevalent mode.  But it is extremely
bad taste, even for a very celebrated guest of honor, to attend the
afternoon dance in a sleeveless, d�ollet�gown.

A late custom seems to favor the wearing of satin slippers to match the
gown.  It is not by any means bad taste, but patent leather or kid pumps
are preferred for the afternoon, reserving the more elaborate satin pumps
for evening wear.  Long white silk or kid gloves and a light-colored
afternoon wrap complete the correct dress for the afternoon dance.  The
hat, of course, depends on Fashion's whim at the moment.

 GENTLEMEN AT THE DANCE

In summer, the gentleman may wear a complete suit of gray with a white
duck waistcoat and light linen to the afternoon dance, completing his
costume with black patent leather shoes or oxford ties, light gray
gloves, and straw hat with black and white band.  But whether it be for
summer or winter, the dark suit is always better taste.

It may be of serge, twillet or homespun, preference being given always to
the conventional navy blue serge.  Double-Breasted models are appropriate
for the young man; single-breasted for the older.  Light linen and bright
ties are in full accordance with the gay colors worn by the women at the
dance.  The coat may be the ordinary unlined, straight hanging overcoat
of thin material in a light color, or it may be an attractive full belted
raglan coat of tan or brown fleece.  In either case it is worn with the
conventional afternoon hat of the season.

 DRESS FOR THE BALL

When the dance is held in the evening, it often assumes an air of
formality.

It is at the ball that such important events as introducing one's
daughter to society or celebrating the graduation of one's son from
college, takes place.

Of course, one wears one's most important jewels to the ball, and
indulges in a headdress that is a trifle more elaborate than usual.  The
event is a brilliant one, and if gaudiness and ostentation are
conscientiously avoided, one may dress as elaborately as one pleases.

This does not mean, however, that the woman whose purse permits only one
evening gown, need feel ill at ease or self-conscious at the ball, for
simplicity has a delightful attractiveness all its own, and if the gown
is well-made of excellent materials, and in a style and color that is
becoming, one will be just as effectively dressed as the much-bejeweled
dowager.

 DRESS OF THE DEBUTANTE

A gown is chosen with much premeditated consideration for so momentous an
occasion as being ushered into society.  The young lady does well to seek
the advice of her friends who are already in society, and of her modiste
who knows by long experience just what is correct and becoming.  But
perhaps we can give some advice here that will be helpful.

A delicately tinted gown, in pastel shades, or one that is pure white is
preferred for the happy debutante.  Tulle, chiffon, net and silk
georgette are the most popular materials.  The style should be youthful
and simple, preferably bordering on the bouffant lines rather than on
those that are more severely slender.  The neck may be cut square, round
or heart-shaped, and elbow-length sleeves or full-length lace sleeves are
preferred. The sleeveless' gown is rarely worn by the young debutante.

The debutante who wears many jewels displays poor taste.  Just a string
of softly glowing pearls, or one small diamond brooch, is sufficient.
Her hair should be arranged simply in a French coil or youthful coiffure,
and should be wholly without ornamentation.  Simplicity, in fact, is one
of the charms of youth, and the wise young person does not sacrifice it
to over-elaboration, even on the day of her debut.

 WRAPS AT THE BALL

The woman wears her most elaborate evening wrap to the ball. Soft
materials in light shades are suggested, with trimmings of fur for the
winter months.  A wrap of old blue or old rose velvet with a collar of
white fog is becoming and attractive when it is within one's means.  But
the simple wrap of cloth, untrimmed, is certainly better taste for the
woman whose means are limited. However, discrimination should be shown in
the selection of lines and colors.  A simple wrap, well-cut, and of fine
material in a becoming shade, is as appropriate and effective as a wrap
completely of fur.  For the woman who must dress economically a dark
loose coat of black satin is serviceable for many occasions.

Hats are never worn to the ball.  A shawl or scarf of fine lace may be
thrown over the hair and shoulders.  Or a smaller shawl may be tied
merely around the head.  Satin pumps are worn, usually with buckle
trimmings; and long gloves of white silk or kid, or in a color to match
the gown, complete the outfit.

 BALL DRESS FOR MEN

Nothing less strictly formal than the complete full dress suit is worn by
the gentleman at the evening ball.  His costume strikes a somber, yet
smart, note.

Whether it be summer or winter, the gentleman wears the black full dress
coat, lapels satin-faced if he so desires, and trousers to match.  Full
rolled waistcoat, small bow-tie and stiff linen are all immaculately
white.  Patent leather pumps and black silk socks complete the outfit.

In summer, the gentleman wears over his full dress suit a light unlined
coat, preferably black in color.  If the lapels of the suit are
satin-faced, the coat lapels may correspond.  White kid gloves are worn,
and a conventional silk hat.  In winter, the coat may be a heavy,
dark-colored raglan, although the Chesterfield overcoat more suits his
dignified dress.  With it he wears white kid gloves and a high silk hat
or felt Alpine as he prefers.

 FOR THE SIMPLE COUNTRY DANCE

There can be nothing more picturesque and delightful than some of the
pretty little social dances held in the smaller towns. Sometimes they are
held in the afternoon; more often in the evening, but always they are a
source of keen enjoyment both to the participants and to those who "look
on."

We are going to tell you about a dance held recently in the home of a
social leader in a typical small town.  Everyone of any consequence
whatever attended, and the occasion proved one worthy of remembrance in
the social annals of the town.  There were perhaps one hundred and fifty
women and one hundred men. Three rooms in the hostess' home were thrown
open into one huge ballroom.  The dancing began at eight o'clock in the
evening--rather early for the city, but unusually late for this country
town.

To a visitor from so gay a metropolis as New York, the simplicity of the
women's dress was a pleasing change.  They were in evening dress, yes,
but a strangely more conservative evening dress than that described
previously for the formal ball.  There were no sleeveless gowns, no
elaborate decolletes.  Taffetas, chiffons and silk brocades were
developed simply into gowns of dignified charm.  One did not notice
individual gowns, for no one woman was dressed more elaborately than
another.  This is what everyone should strive for simplicity with charm
and a complete absence of all conspicuousness.

Fashion has been condemned.  Women have been ridiculed for their "extreme
tastes." As a matter of fact, civilization owes dress a great debt, and
women have an inherent good taste.  And both these facts are forcibly
proved at the country dance, where simplicity and harmony of color
combine to give an effect that is wholly delightful and charming.

The lesson we might take from this is that simplicity in dress has more
beauty and effect than elaborate "creations."



 CHAPTER VIII

 GAMES AND SPORT

 WHY THE WORLD PLAYS

All the world loves to play.  In childhood, it is the very language of
life.  In youth, it vies with the sterner business of young manhood or
womanhood.  When we are older and the days of childhood are but a fading
memory, we still have some "hobby" that offers recreation from our
business and social duties. It may be golf or tennis or billiards; but it
is play--and it is a relaxation.

It is a fundamental law of nature that we shall play in proportion to the
amount of work we do.  The inevitable "tired business man" finds
incentive in the thought of a brisk game of golf after closing hours.
The busy hostess looks forward to the afternoon that she will be able to
devote exclusively to tennis. The man or woman who does not "play" is
missing one of the keenest pleasures of life.

But there is an etiquette of sport and games, just as there is an
etiquette of the ballroom and dinner table.  One must know how to conduct
oneself on the golf links and at the chess table, just as one must know
how to conduct oneself at dinner or at the opera.  And in one's play, one
must remember that touching little fable of the frogs who were stoned by
boys, in which the poor little creatures cried, "What is play to you is
death to us."  Be kind, unselfish and fair.  Do not sacrifice, in the
exciting joyousness of the game, the little courtesies of social life.
Remember Burns' pretty bit of verse--we cannot resist the temptation of
printing it here:

  "Pleasures are like poppies spread,   You seize the flower, its bloom
is shed;   Or, like the snowfall on the river,   A moment white, then
melts forever."

 FAIR PLAY

Nothing so quickly betrays a person as unfairness in games.  It hardly
seems necessary to mention it, to caution anyone against it.  Yet so many
people are prone to believe that the courtesies we observe in social
life, may be entirely forgotten in the world of sport and pleasure--and
that with them, we may forget our scruples.  "Cheating" is a harsh word
and we do not want to use it.  But what other word can be used to
describe unfairness, to describe selfish discourtesies?

"Fair play is a jewel."  This proverb has been handed down to us among
other old sayings of the Danish, and Denmark loves its games and sports
as few other countries do.  It was here that the game of Bridge first had
its inception.  It was here that the game of "Boston" first won
prominence.  Many of the games and sports practiced in America to-day had
their origin in Denmark. And it was that country that gave to us the
golden proverb, "Fair play is a jewel."

We could fill a complete volume on the ethics of sport, but it is not
necessary to elaborate on the subject in a book of etiquette.  When you
are on the tennis courts or at the billiard tables remember only to
observe the same good manners and courtesies that characterize your
social life--and you will play fair.

 INDOOR GAMES

Bridge and chess have long been the boon of puzzled hostesses. These
indoor games offer a wealth of interest and enjoyment to visiting guests,
and in social circles they are frequently resorted to, to make an
afternoon or evening pass pleasantly.

Every woman who ever invites people to her home should know the etiquette
of indoor games.  It is also necessary that she herself know how to play
the games as it will be expected that she join her guests.  At a recent
silver wedding the host and hostess evolved the novel idea of spending
the evening playing bridge with the guests and offering silver prizes to
the winners. Every one enjoyed the evening, and it saved the hostess the
trouble of worrying about providing satisfactory entertainment.

Some women who enjoy indoor games form clubs for the purpose of devoting
one or more afternoons or evenings a week to the favored game.  There are
numerous chess and bridge clubs that meet in private homes or in
club-rooms rented for the purpose. The usual method is to meet at the
home of one of the members, rotating each week so that each member has
her turn at being hostess.

 CHESS

There is something romantic, something strangely fanciful in the old game
of chess.  Its origin is forgotten in a dim past--a past around which is
woven historical tales of kings and queens, interesting anecdotes of
ancient sports and pleasures.  There is perhaps no indoor game as old and
as beloved.  [To inspire interest in certain games, and to give renewed
zest to those who have already made one of these games a hobby, it was
considered worth-while to give in these chapters the interesting facts
regarding the origin of some of our popular modern games.  We are
indebted to Paul Mouckton, whose splendid book, "Pastimes is Times Past"
ha helped us to make this possible.]

Chess is also one of the most universal of games.  In slightly altered
form, it is played in almost every country.  Games resembling chess are
found even in uncivilized countries.  To know the rudiments of the game,
is to be able to enter into at least one sport when traveling in other
countries.

We trace the origin of chess to the ancient Sanscrit Indians.  At that
time it was known as "chatauranga."  From this word, the word "shatrang"
was evolved, developing slowly into our modern word "chess."  It was in
the sixteenth century that the surface of the chess-board was chequered
black and white.  Just as the capture of a king by enemies meant the
terminating of his rule of the kingdom in those days, the capture of the
"king" on the chess-board to-day terminates the game.

It is interesting to note that the different "pieces" used in the game of
chess all have their origin in ancient history.  The game is one of the
most interesting in existence, and the man or woman who does not already
know how to play it, should learn how as soon as possible.  There are
numerous authorities who are only too glad to teach it.

The hostess who plans a chess-party for her guests should arrange a
sufficient number of small tables in the drawing-or reception-room.
Usually coffee and wafers are served as refreshment in the afternoon; but
if the party is held in the evening, it usually terminates in a cold
midnight supper.

 BRIDGE

Bridge is one of our most popular card-games--particularly so among
women.  It is also one of the most interesting indoor games ever
invented, and therefore usually adopted by the hostess who wishes to
entertain her guests for the afternoon or evening.

England greeted the origin of bridge, about fifty years ago, with great
delight.  The game speedily became one of the most popular ones in social
circles.  Perhaps if we exclude whist, bridge has taken a greater hold
upon the popular imagination than any other card-game ever invented.

The origin of the word "bridge" itself is buried in the mists of
uncertainty.  Some say that it comes from the Tartar word "birintch"
which means "town-crier."  Others contend that it comes from the Russian
word "biritch" meaning Russian whist.  But whatever its origin, the word
means a game of such utter interest and delight, that it should be well
understood and frequently indulged in by hostesses and their guests.

There are two kinds of bridge; one, known as Auction Bridge is for three
players.  Ordinary bridge is for four players.  In the former game, one
depends largely upon luck.  But skill is a very necessary requisite to
the one who wishes to play and win in ordinary bridge.  Writers on games
declare that Auction Bridge is more of a "gambling" game than ordinary
bridge.  But hostesses who do not favor "gambling" in any form, had
better choose chess as their popular game, for it is the only game from
which the element of chance is entirely absent.  But bridge, perhaps by
virtue of its very element of chance, is to-day one of the most popular
indoor games.

The hostess who invites friends to a bridge-party should provide
sufficient card tables for the purpose.  If the party consists entirely
of ladies, it is usually held in the afternoon and light refreshments are
served.  If men join the party it is usually held in the evening and
terminates in a midnight supper.

 BILLIARDS AND CROQUET

There seems to be some very intimate connection between croquet and
billiards.  But while croquet is a very old game and now rapidly lapsing
into disuse, billiards is a comparatively new one enjoying very wide
popularity.  The fact that small billiard tables are being made to fit
conveniently into the drawing-room at home, proves that the modern host
and hostess recognize the popularity of the game.  Croquet, we find from
studying the history of games, was played in the thirteenth century.
Billiards, which we speak of as being "comparatively new," was known in
the seventeenth century, for does not Shakespeare have Cleopatra say in
Antony's temporary absence:

  "Let us to billiards:   Come, Charmian."

Billiards is a game that lends itself to betting.  While this may be
permissible in a public billiard place, it is not good form in a private
home where the hostess invites a few friends to enjoy the game with her.
She should not invite many people unless she has several tables to place
at their disposal.

Croquet is played on the lawn.  Hidden in the forgotten origin of
billiards, there must be some connection between the green lawn of
croquet and the green baize cloth of the billiard table. Croquet is
played with mallets and balls, very much on the same order as the game of
billiards.

The game of croquet is derived from the same source as hockey. The old
French word "hoquet," meaning a "crooked stick" has very much the same
meaning as the word "croquet."  Both are excellent outdoor sports that
guests at a house party will find enjoyable and interesting.

One hostess we know, who is a billiard enthusiast, has six tables in her
"billiard room," as she calls it, where she entertains several guests
almost every afternoon.  On the wall is a large picture showing two
stately old gentlemen playing a game of billiards, and beneath it in bold
handlettering, the following bit of verse from Cotton's book, "The
Compleat Gamester":

  Billiards from Spain at first derived its name,   Both an ingenious and
a cleanly game.   One gamester leads (the table green as grass)   And
each like warriors, strive to gain the Pass.

 OUTDOOR GAMES

At garden parties, house parties, and lawn parties, there is always the
need for interesting, amusing games that will afford entertainment for
the guests.  The hostess who knows the various games that are popular
among the younger and older sets, will be able to spend many jolly,
pleasant mornings and afternoons with her guests.

Not only for the hostess and her guest, but for every man or woman who
loves games and sports, who enjoys being outdoors, there are sports that
are as enjoyable as they are health-building.  There can be nothing more
delightful, on a Saturday afternoon, than to go out on the links and
enjoy a good game of golf.  And there can be nothing more invigorating to
the tired hostess than a brisk game of lawn tennis on a sunny afternoon.

To the splendid outdoor games of America, our young women owe their
lithe, graceful bodies and their glowing good health; and our young men
owe their well-knit forms and muscular strength. No appeal can be too
strong in encouraging people to indulge more freely in outdoor
sports--and especially people who spend a great deal of their time in
businesses that confine them to offices.

 LAWN TENNIS

Tennis is always popular and always interesting.

Those who love the game will enjoy a bit of the history of its origin and
of its development in recent years.  It is not a new game.  The exact
date of its origin is not known, and perhaps never will be, but we do
know that it was imported into England from France at a very early date.
Originally it was called "palmplay" because the palm was used to cast the
ball to the other side.  And instead of the net, a mud-wall was used to
separate the two sides.

The game of tennis flourished in the time of Joan of Arc, for we find her
namesake, a certain Jean Margot, born in 1421, called the "amazon of
medieval tennis" by Paul Mouckton in his book, "Pastimes in Times Past."

He tells us also that she could play ball better than any man in France.

In the fifteenth century, tennis fell into disrepute because of the large
amount of betting. But gradually, with the passing of the years and the
development of the tennis courts, it once more came into its own, and
soon we find that it had become so popular and fashionable that it
threatened to eclipse even cricket, England's most popular outdoor game.
Then once again it lapses into neglect, not to return to the lawns and
courts again until 1874. Since that year, Lawn Tennis has steadily risen
to the ranks of the most favored social game in America and England. In
the past few years changes and improvements have been made and as the
game now stands it is truly the "king of games"-as Major Wingfield
described it more than two decades ago.

The hostess who invites friends to a tennis game should be sure that her
courts are in good condition. It is her duty to supply the net, balls and
racquets, although some enthusiasts prefer using their own racquets.
Whether or not the hostess joins in the games herself, depends entirely
upon her personal preference, and upon convenience. Usually, however, she
is expected to play at least one set.

 GOLF

The fact that Pepys, in his well-known diary, tells us that he saw the
Duke of York playing golf (known then as Paille-Maille) is sufficient
evidence of the antiquity of the game. It is of Scotch origin, being
played in the Lowlands as early as 1300. The very words "caddie," "links"
and "tee" are Scotch. "Caddie" is another word for cad, but the meaning
of that word has changed considerably with the passing of the centuries.
"Link" means "a bend by the river bank,"' but literally means a "ridge of
land." "Tee" means a "mark on the ground."

It seems that golfing has some strange charm from which there is no
escaping once one has experienced it. To play golf and to learn its
fascination, is to love it always and be unable to forsake it. James I
and Prince Henry his son, were ardent golfers. Charles I was also a lover
of golf, and it is related that the news of the Irish Rebellion in 1642
was brought to him while he was playing at the Links at Leith. Sir John
Foulis, Earl John of Montrose, Duncan Forbes and the Duke of Hamilton are
other notables of history, known to have been addicted to the game.

In 1754 a Golf Club was founded in England, pledging themselves to
compete each year for a silver cup. In 1863 another Royal Golf Club was
founded of which the Prince of Wales was elected Captain. The minutes and
records of this club reveal many interesting, and ofttimes amusing,
customs that presaged the very customs practiced by golf-lovers to-day.

One reason why golf is so popular is that it is a sport in which old and
young can join on an equal footing. In this manner it is unlike hockey or
other similar games, where strength and training are essential. But one
must not have the impression that golf can be played once or twice, and
then known and understood thoroughly. It is the kind of game that must be
played enthusiastically and constantly; and gradually one becomes
conscious of a fascination that can hardly be found in any other game or
sport.

There is a distinct etiquette of the links that should be known by the
hostess who plans a golfing party, and also by everyone who plays the
game.  Courtesy is one of the unwritten laws of the links.  It is
considered an unpardonable sin to speak or move when watching another
player make a drive.  It is also unpardonable to attempt to play through
the game of persons who are ahead on the links.

 SOME IMPORTANT RULES ABOUT GOLF

In teeing-off, one should be quite sure that one's immediate predecessors
from the tee are at least two shots in advance. Otherwise there is danger
of injuring other players; and there is also the confusion of driving
balls among those of near-by players.  If, however, a ball is driven into
the space of greensward where another player is concentrating upon his
ball an apology should be made.

Sometimes skillful and rapid players find their progress over the links
retarded by players who are slow and inaccurate.  These slow players may
be new at the game, or they may prefer to play slowly.  At any rate, it
is good form for the rapid players to request that they be permitted to
play through ahead of the others; or it is still better for the slow
players themselves, when they see that they are retarding others, to
volunteer stepping aside while the others play through.  A courtesy of
this kind requires cordial thanks.

Putting is a delicate and difficult operation upon which the entire
success of the game rests.  Spectators must keep this in mind when they
are on the links, and they must not stand so close to the player that
they will interfere with his concentration.  It is extremely bad form to
talk, whisper or shuffle about while a player is putting, and those who
do so are revealing their lack of courtesy and of the knowledge of the
correct etiquette of sport.

 FOOTBALL

We feel that a word about football is necessary, not only because it is
one of the most popular American sports, but because men and women alike
enjoy watching the game.  At the Yale Bowl, where some of the most
spectacular football games are played--and won--thousands of men and
women from all over the United States gather every year.

Like all other ball games, football is based on many other games that had
their origin in medieval times.  It was only after the game of kicking
the ball had been introduced in England, that it became a distinct sport
known as football.  Since then it has flourished and developed, until
to-day it is as popular as tennis, hockey, baseball and golf.

Football is a strenuous game.  In England it was confined largely to boys
and young men.  Even in America elderly men never play the game, but that
is no reason why they cannot watch and enjoy it.

There can be no etiquette prescribed for the players in a football game
beyond that incorporated in the rules of the game and in the general laws
of good sportsmanship.  But the people who are watching the game must
observe a certain good conduct, if they wish to be considered entirely
cultured.  For instance, even though the game becomes very exciting, it
is bad form to stand up on the seats and shout words of encouragement to
the players.  Yet how many, who claim to be entirely well-bred, do this
very thing!

Of course it is permissible to cheer; but it must be remembered that
there are correct and incorrect ways of cheering.  Noise is noise even in
the grandstand, and your loud cheering is very likely to annoy the people
around you.  A brief hand-clapping is sufficient applause for a good play
or even for a victory.  It is not necessary to be boisterous.  And this
holds true of the game of baseball also, when loud cheering serves only
to create confusion and disorder.

The well-mannered person is known by his or her calm conduct and gentle
manners whether it be in the ballroom or at the football game.

 AUTOMOBILE ETIQUETTE

With automobiling enjoying its present universal popularity, it is
necessary to add a few paragraphs here regarding the correct automobile
etiquette.  For there is an etiquette of driving, and a very definite
etiquette that must be followed by all who wish to be well-bred.

First there are the rules by which the driver of the car must be
governed.  In busy city streets, where there are no traffic regulations
to govern the reckless driver, one should drive slowly and cautiously.
It is time enough to drive speedily when the open roads of the country
are reached.  But it is inconsiderate and selfish to speed one's car
along streets where children are likely to dash unexpectedly in front of
the car or where pedestrians are in danger of being thrown down.

A very uncourteous and unkind habit is to sound one's horn wildly, for no
other reason than to frighten less fortunate people who have to walk.
The horn on the car should be used only to warn people out of the road,
or when turning a dangerous corner.  It should never be used to signal to
a person that the car is waiting outside for her.

Care should be exercised in the seating arrangement.  The courteous host
and hostess take the seats in the center, leaving those on the outside
for their guests.  If the host is driving, the front seat at his side is
a place of honor and should be given to a favored guest.

The people inside the car also have some rules of good conduct to
observe.  It is bad form to stand up in the car, to sing or shout, or to
be in any way boisterous.  Automobile parties often speed along country
roads shouting at the top of their voices for no other reason than to
attract attention--to be noticed. The very first rule of good conduct
tells us that this is utterly ill-bred.

It hardly seems necessary to warn the people who are out motoring, not to
throw refuse from the car on to the road.  Yet we often see paper bags
and cigarette boxes hurtling through the air in the wake of some speeding
car.  This is as bad form as dropping a match-stick on the polished
drawing-room floor of one's hostess or home.

 AUTOMOBILE PARTIES

Some hostesses plan motor trips for their guests.  If it is to be a long
trip, requiring an over-night stop at a hotel, the invitations must state
clearly, but tactfully, whether they are to be guests throughout the
trip, or only while in the motor. Ordinarily, the host and hostess pay
all expenses incurred while on the trip.

Gentlemen do not enter the car until the ladies have been comfortably
seated.  Neither do they smoke in the car without asking permission to do
so.  A driver, whether he be the host himself or a hired chauffeur,
should be sure that all the guests are comfortably seated before
starting.  And he should drive slowly to prevent the uncomfortable
jolting that usually results when a car is driven at a great speed.

Hostesses often provide linen dusters and goggles for those of their
guests who desire them.  It is wise, also, to include a few motor
blankets, in case the weather changes and the guests become chilly.  A
considerate host, or hostess, will see that the wind-shield, top and
side-curtains are adjusted to the entire comfort of all the occupants of
the car.

The dress for an automobile party is a sports suit of some serviceable
material that will not show dust readily.  The hat should be a small one
that will not interfere with the wearer's comfort.  In place of a suit
one may wear a one-piece dress and a coat but one must never wear light
or flimsy materials.  If there is to be an overnight stop and one wishes
to wear a dinner gown she must have it made of a stuff that will not
wrinkle easily or she must be able to make arrangements to have it
pressed.

When the car stops and the guests descend, the gentlemen should leave
first and help the ladies to descend.  If the party stops for
refreshments, the chauffeur must not be forgotten.  It is a slight that
is as unforgivable and discourteous as omitting to serve a guest in one's
dining-room.  The chauffeur is as much entitled to courtesy as the other
members of the party.  Of course he does not expect to join the party at
their table, nor does he care to eat with the servants of the hotel.  The
wisest plan is for him to be served in the regular dining-room of the
hotel, but at another table except when the hotel has special
arrangements to meet this condition.

It is always necessary to take the guests on an automobile party back to
the place where they started from unless it is distinctly understood from
the beginning that some other plan is to be pursued.  When planning a
motor party consisting of two or more cars, the hostess should be sure to
arrange her guests so that only congenial people will be in each car.  It
is never good form to crowd a car with more people than it can hold
comfortably, except in an emergency.

"Careful driving" should be the watchword of everyone who owns a motor.
Remember that the streets were not created merely for the owner of the
automobile, but for the pedestrian as well.

 RIDING

Horse-back riding is one of the favorite outdoor sports of men and women.
Which is as it should be, for not only is it excellent for poise and
grace, but it is splendid for the health.

A gentleman, when riding with a woman, assists her to mount and dismount.
This is true even though a groom accompanies them.  In assisting a lady
to mount her horse, the gentleman first takes the reins, places them in
her hand and then offers his right hand as a step on which to place her
foot, unless she prefers to slip her foot in the stirrup and spring up to
the saddle unassisted.  In this case, it is necessary for him only to
hold the horse's head, and to give her the reins when she is comfortably
seated in the saddle.  He does not mount his own horse until she is
mounted and on her way.

It is the privilege of the woman rider to set the pace.  The gentleman
follows at her side or slightly behind.  He goes ahead, however, to open
gates or lower fences that are too dangerous for her to jump.  In
dismounting, he again offers his aid, holding her horse and offering his
hand if it is necessary to assist her.  The lady dismounts on the left
side.

At a hunt, a gentleman must sacrifice a great deal of the sport of the
chase if there is a woman in the party under his care.  He must ride very
close to her, taking the easiest way and watching out for her comfort.
It is poor form, however, for any woman to follow the hounds in a chase
unless she is an accomplished rider.  Otherwise she is merely a hindrance
to the rest of the party, and especially to the man who is accompanying
her.

Be kind to your horse.  Do not exhaust it.  Do not force it to climb
steep hills.  Be careful of how you use your spurs.  And try to remember
that good old proverb, "The best feed of a horse is his master's eye."

Even in the most conservative communities to-day women wear breeches
instead of the heavy skirts of a short time back.  The cut depends upon
the prevailing fashion but the habit should never be of flashing
material.

 BATHING

The etiquette of the beach has not yet been settled and the chief point
of dispute is the way a woman should dress.  It is absurd for her to wear
a suit that will hamper her movements in the water but it is even worse
for her to wear a skimpy garment that makes her the observed of all
observers as she parades up and down the beach.  There is no set rule as
to what kind of suit one should wear for one person can wear a thing that
makes another ridiculous if not actually vulgar.  A well-bred woman is
her own best guide and she will no more offend against modesty at the
beach than she will in the drawing-room.

 SPORTS CLOTHES IN GENERAL

Comfort and style should be attractively combined in sports clothes with
the emphasis on comfort.  Practicability should never be sacrificed to
fashion, and however beautiful they may be to look at, an automobile coat
that cannot stand dust, a bathing suit that cannot stand water and a
hiking outfit that cannot stand wear are merely ridiculous.  There are
three questions that the man or woman should first ask themselves before
buying a sports outfit.  First, Is it comfortable? Next, Is it practical?
And last, Is it pleasing?





PART IV

I would rather have a young fellow too much than too little dressed; the
excess on that side will wear off, with a little age and reflection; but
if he is negligent at twenty, he will be a sloven at forty and
intolerable at sixty.  Dress yourself fine where others are fine, and
plain where others are plain; but take care always that your clothes are
well made and fit you, for otherwise they will give you a very awkward
air.                     --Chesterfield.



 CHAPTER I

 SPEECH

One is judged first by his dress but this judgment is not final.  A
better index is his speech.  It is said that one can tell during a
conversation that lasts not longer than a summer shower whether or not a
man is cultivated.  Often it does not take even so long, for a raucous
tone of voice and grossly ungrammatical or vulgar expressions brand a man
at once as beyond the pale of polite society.

No point of social etiquette is quite so valuable as this one of speech.
As one goes forth he is weighed in the balance and if he is found wanting
here he is quietly dropped by refined and cultured people, and nearly
always he is left wondering why with his diamonds and his motors and his
money he yet cannot find entree into the inner circles where he would
most like to be. Money does not buy everything.  If it were possible for
it to do so there would be no proverb to the effect that it takes three
generations to make a gentleman.  And the proverb itself is not more than
half true.  If the attitude of mind is that of one who honestly wants to
develop himself to the highest possible point, mentally, morally, and
spiritually, it can be done in much less than a single generation.  Of
course, much depends upon one's definition of what constitutes a
gentleman but  for the purpose of this book we mean a man of education,
high principles, honor, courtesy, and kindness.

 CONVERSATION

There is an old Italian proverb that says, "He who has a tongue in his
head can go all the world over." But it is not enough merely to have a
tongue in one's head.  That tongue must have a certain distinct appeal
before it becomes the weapon before which all the barriers of social
success vanish.

We have all heard the expression, "The magic power of words." Is it a
magic power? Or to be more explicit, is conversation an art or a gift?
The answer must certainly be an art, for nature never gives that which
study accomplishes.  And by study you can become a master of speech-you
can make words a veritable torch, illuminating you and your surroundings.
But words alone mean very little.  It is the grouping of words,
expressions, phrases; the combination of thoughts that make real
conversation.

"In the beginning of the world," said Xanthes, "primitive man was
contented to imitate the language of the animals." But as we study the
evolution of human nature, we find that man was not long content to
imitate the sounds of the animals in the forests.  He found the need to
express himself, his sensations, his thoughts, in more definite and
satisfactory manner.  He wanted to share his joys with his neighbors, and
he wanted to tell others about his sorrows.  And so, nature in her wise
judgment, decreed that he should speak, and in his speech should convey
his thoughts and ideas to those who listened.

We do not think of these things to-day when we "chatter" aimlessly among
ourselves, caring little whether or not we make the most of that
wonderful power bestowed upon us.  Yes, speech is a power.  It is a most
effective weapon, not only to social success, but to the very success of
life, if one does not ignore the power of its influence.  And that is the
purpose of the following paragraphs-to help you realize and profit by the
powers of speech and conversation.

 THE CHARM OF CORRECT SPEECH

It is strange, but true, that the spirit of conversation is often more
important than the ideas expressed.  This is especially true in social
circles.  Since speech is never used in solitude, we may take it for
granted that the spoken word is an expression of the longing for human
sympathy.  Thus, it is a great accomplishment to be able to enter gently
and agreeably into the moods and feelings of others, and to cultivate the
feelings of sympathy and kindness.

Early in the seventeenth century the /causerie/ (chat) was highly
esteemed in France.  This was a meeting, at the Hotel Rambouillet, of the
great nobles, literary people, and intelligent and brilliant women of
France, gathered together for the definite purpose of conversation--of
"chatting." Among these people, representing the highest intellectual
class in France at the time, there developed the taste for daily
talks-the tendency of which was toward profound, refined and elegant
intercourse according to the standards of that day, and the criticisms
offered by the members had a certain influence on the manners and
literature of the epoch.

Many years have passed since those days of harmonious gatherings, but we
mention them here to draw the comparison between those delightful
gatherings of long ago, and our own drawing-rooms and social circles
where brilliant men and women gather and converse on topics of immediate
interest.  If one has imagination, a striking similarity can be noticed
between the two.

There is a certain charm in correct speech, a certain beauty in correct
conversation.  And it is well worth striving for.

 COURTESY IN CONVERSATION

A Crow Indian once said to Dr. Lowie, "You Whites show no respect to your
sisters.  You talk to them." Other instances of how respect and courtesy
can be shown in conversation, is found in the traditions and present-day
practices of other countries.

In China, for instance, a young man will not introduce into conversation,
a topic which has not already been touched upon by his elders.  On the
Fiji Islands, a woman does not talk to her mother-in-law, and among the
Sioux, a young man does not talk at all unless someone else addresses
him.  These signs of courtesy in conversation have a certain distinct
significance in the countries where they are practiced.

Courtesy is the very foundation of all good conversation.  Good speech
consists as much in listening politely as in talking agreeably.  Someone
has said, very wisely, "A talker who monopolizes the conversation is by
common consent insufferable, and a man who regulates his choice of topics
by reference to what interests not his hearers but himself has yet to
learn the alphabet of the art." To be agreeable in conversation, one must
first learn the law of talking just enough, of listening politely while
others speak, and of speaking of that in which one's companions are most
interested.

There was a time when bluntness of manner was excused on the ground that
the speaker was candid, frank, outspoken.  People used to pride
themselves upon the fact that in their conversation they had spoken the
truth-and hurt some one.  To-day there are certain recognized courtesies
of speech, and kindliness has taken the place of candidness.  There is no
longer any excuse for you to say things in your conversation that will
cause discomfort or pain to any one of your hearers.

One should never interrupt unless there is a good reason for it and then
it should be done with apologies.  It is not courteous to ask a great
many questions and personal ones are always taboo. One should be careful
not to use over and over and over again the same words and phrases and
one should not fall in the habit of asking people to repeat their
remarks.  Argument should be avoided and contradicting is always
discourteous.  When it seems that a heated disagreement is about to ensue
it is wise tactfully to direct the conversation into other channels as
soon as it can be done without too abrupt a turn, for to jerk the talk
from one topic to another for the obvious purpose of "switching someone
off the track" is in itself very rude.

Let your proverb be, "Talk well, but not too much."

 THE VOICE

Ruskin said, "Vulgarity is indicated by coarseness of language." By
language he meant not only words and phrases, but coarseness of voice.
There can be nothing more characteristic of good breeding than a soft,
well modulated, pleasing voice.  This quotation from Demosthenes is only
another way of saying it: "As a vessel is known by the sound whether it
is cracked or not, so men are proved by their speeches whether they be
wise or foolish."

Conversation should be lively without noise.  It is not well-bred to be
demonstrative in action while speaking, to talk loudly, or to laugh
boisterously.  Conversation should have less emphasis, and more
quietness, more dignified calmness.  Some of us are so eager, in our
determination to be agreeable in conversation, to dominate the entire
room with our voice, that we forget the laws of good conduct.  And we
wonder why people consider us bores.

Don't be afraid to open your mouth when you talk.  First know what you
want to say, be sure that it is worth saying, and then say it calmly,
confidently, /through your mouth/ and not through your nose.  Too many
people talk through tightly closed teeth and then wonder why people don't
understand them.  Enunciate clearly and give to your vowels and
consonants the proper resonance.

Another mistake to avoid is rapid speaking.  To talk slowly and
deliberately, is to enhance the pleasure and beauty of the conversation.
Rapidity in speech results in indistinctness, and indistinctness leads
invariably to monotony.

 EASE IN SPEECH

There are two languages of speech-voice and gesture.  Voice appeals to
the ear, gesture to the eye.  It is an agreeable combination of the two
that makes conversation pleasant.

"A really well-bred man," a writer once said, "would speak to all kings
in the world with as little concern and as much ease as he would speak to
you."  Confusion is the enemy of eloquence.  Self-restraint must be
developed before one can hope to be either a good conversationalist or a
social success.  To create a pleasant, harmonious atmosphere, and at the
same time to make one's ideas carry conviction, one must talk with ease
and calm assurance.

Try to be naturally courteous and cordial in your speech.  It is a
mistake to "wear your feelings on your sleeve" and resent everything that
everyone else says that does not please you.  To become quickly excited,
to speak harshly and sarcastically is to sacrifice one's dignity and ease
of manner.  Know what you want to say, be sure you understand it, and
when you say it, be open for criticisms or suggestions from those around
you.  Do not become flustered and excited merely because someone else
does not agree with you.  Remember that Homer said, "The tongue speaks
wisely when the soul is wise," and surely the soul can be wise only when
one is entirely calm, self-confident and at peace with all the world!

 LOCAL PHRASES AND MANNERISMS

It is not always easy to drop the local phrases, colloquial expressions
and mannerisms to which one has been accustomed for a long time.  Yet
good society does not tolerate these errors in speech.  For they are
errors, according to the standards of educated men and women.

To use such phrases as "How was that" when you mean "What was that" or
"How's things" when you mean "How are you" are provincialisms which have
no place in the cultured drawing-room. One must drop all bad habits of
speech before claiming the "good English which is a passport into good
society."

Mannerisms in speech are evident in nasal expression and muffled words,
spoken through half-closed teeth.  We were not meant to speak in that
unbeautiful manner, nor were we meant to gesticulate wildly as some of
our drawing-room orators persist in doing-to the amusement of everyone
else concerned.  When you enter the world of good society, drop all your
colloquial phrases and mannerisms behind.

 IMPORTANCE OF VOCABULARY

Simple expression has the same advantage over flowery language as a
simple and artistic room has over a room filled with gaudy, inharmonious
embellishments.  One is effective, the other defective.  And yet to
express ideas simply and correctly, with a regard for polish and poise,
one must have a good command of the language.

Make a resolve, right now, that you will never use a foreign word when
you can give its meaning in English.  And also determine now, definitely,
that no matter how popular slang becomes in the less refined circles of
society, you will never use it because you know that it is the badge of
vulgarity. There is nothing quite as beautiful as good, simple English,
when it is spoken correctly.

To know the right word in the right place, to know its correct
pronunciation and spelling, there is nothing more valuable than a good
standard dictionary.  If you haven't one-a new revised edition-get one
right away.  You can not hope to become a pleasing conversationalist
until you own and use a good dictionary.

An excellent way to increase your vocabulary and perfect your speech is
to talk less, and listen politely while others lead the conversation.
There's a lot of truth in that old maxim, "Speech is silver, but silence
is gold!"

 INTERRUPTING THE SPEECH OF OTHERS

It was mentioned previously that the Sioux youth does not speak until he
is first spoken to.  This is also true of the young Armenian woman.  She
would be horrified at the idea of addressing a woman older than herself,
unless first spoken to.  Many other countries observe these courtesies of
speech, with a wholesome effect upon the general culture of the people.

How often, here in our own country, even in the most highly cultivated
society, do we hear a man or woman carelessly interrupt the conversation
of another, perhaps an older person, without so much as an apology! It is
bad form, to say the least, but it is also distinctly rude.  No person of
good breeding will interrupt the conversation of another no matter how
startling and remarkable an idea he may have.  It will be just as
startling and remarkable a few minutes later, and the speaker will have
gained poise and confidence in the time that he waits for the chance to
speak.

Whispering in company is another bad habit that must be avoided. The
drawing-room or reception room is no place for personal secrets or hidden
bits of gossip.  The man or woman commits a serious breach in good
conduct by drawing one or two persons aside and whispering something to
them.

 TACT IN CONVERSATION

Be careful not to give too strong an expression of your likes and
dislikes.  To master this important point of speech, it is wise to
examine carefully and frankly all your opinions before expressing them in
words.  It is necessary that you understand yourself, before you are able
to make others understand you.

In carrying on a conversation in a public place be sure to keep the voice
modulated and do not mention the names of people about whom you are
talking in such a way that anyone overhearing the conversation by chance
could identify them.  It is best to avoid all personal talk when one is
in public.

The person who is always trying to set other people right does not use
tact.  If they wanted assistance, they would probably ask.  People are
sensitive, and they do not like to have their shortcomings commented upon
by others.

Ask questions only if you are gifted with great tact.  Otherwise you are
bound to create embarrassing situations.  If you do ask questions, make
them of a general character, rather than personal.  But never be curious,
because people resent inquisitiveness--and rightly so, for it is a very
undesirable trait to have, and each person has a right to privacy.

Never talk for mere talking's sake.  Speak only when you have something
to say, and then talk quietly, deliberately and with sincerity.  Never
criticize, antagonize or moralize and your company will be sought by
everyone.

 SOME IMPORTANT INFORMATION

If you mumble over your words and have difficulty in pronouncing clearly,
you will find it a great help to talk very slowly and take deep breaths
between each two or three words.  For stammering, deep breathing is also
suggested before uttering the words upon which one is most likely to come
to grief.

Self-consciousness is the result of exaggerated humility.  If you
concentrate upon what you are saying, and forget all about how you are
saying it, you will forget your shyness.  Respect yourself, have
confidence in yourself-and nervousness and shyness in conversation will
vanish.

Lisping is a matter of defective speech, and although reading aloud and
dramatic recitations help, it is best to consult a specialist if ordinary
methods fail to prevent it.  Such habits as hesitation, coughing, or
groping for a word, are often forms of nervousness and a little
will-power exerted in the right direction may easily control them.

Above all, be simple and be sincere.  Let interest in your subject lend
animation to your face and manner.  Do not attempt to make yourself
appear brilliant and inspired, for you will only succeed in making
yourself ridiculous.  Be modest, pleasant, agreeable and sympathetic, and
you will find that you win the immediate response of your audience,
whether it consists of two people or two hundred people.


WHAT TO TALK ABOUT

In this beautiful country, filled with charming woodland scenes,
landmarks of interest, museums, schools, monuments, libraries, there is
no excuse for the man or woman who finds that he or she has "nothing to
talk about." In the newspapers every day, in books, plays, operas, even
in the advertisements and posters, there is material for interesting
conversation.

Try it the next time you meet some friends and you find that conversation
lags.  Talk about something, anything, until you get started.  Talk about
the sunset you saw last night, or the little crippled boy who was selling
newspapers.  As long as it is something with a touch of human interest in
it, and if you tell it with the desire to please rather than impress,
your audience will be interested in your conversation.  But to remain
quiet, answering only when you are spoken to, and allowing conversation
to die each time it reaches you, is a feature of conduct belonging only
to the ignorant and dull.  There are many pleasant and agreeable things
to talk about-argument and discussion have no place in the social
drawing-room-and there is no reason why /you/ cannot find them and make
use of them.

If you are forgetful, and somewhat shy in the company of others, it might
be well to jot down and commit to memory any interesting bit of
information or news that you feel would be worthy of repetition.  It may
be an interesting little story, or a clever repartee, or some amusing
incident-but whatever it is, {pls. check orig for next word}make the
appeal general.  It is a mistake to talk only about those things that
interest you; when Matthew Arnold was once asked what his favorite topic
for conversation was, he answered, "That in which my companion is most
interested."

Make that your ideal, and you can hardly help becoming an agreeable and
pleasing conversationalist.